Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Roleplaying Gamers. Fuck them.


There is a difference between a “Roleplaying Game” and the act of Roleplaying. Roleplaying can be depraved and decadent. Exist on websites like Omegle and RPHaven. A Roleplaying-Game is a hobby name for the act of roleplaying within the hobby market of traditional board and war games. These too hobbies clash with one another and do not relate. Just because someone likes “Roleplaying,” doesn’t meant one will like Roleplaying with dice, paper, figures, and stats. Nor will the D&D player decide to become obsessed only with the escapism and reality changing concept of just the act of Roleplaying. The D&D player wishes the act of roleplaying only in the confines of traditional games with rules and structure. 

These two passions really are against each other and do not mix well. Hence, both consumer base and audience are actually confused what they really want out of the two. For D&D, are we interest solely for rules, paper, figures, dice and creative story telling? Or, for the act of just roleplaying, are we interested for escapism, an alternative reality, less-of-a-game, and more as a dialogue. 

These two are both needed to be talked about.

RPGs tend to ignore the culture of Roleplaying in favor to emphasis that, “it’s just a game after all!” When does it collide with the passion of roleplaying? How much of this perversion is influential? Certainly, this would be playing the game wrong at this point. 

The same applies with MMOGS and roleplaying. Since now, Roleplaying is also associated with online games. World of Warcraft has helped advocate it. Are they WOW addicts or Role-play addicts? Escapist? 

The passion of role-playing is used. It is a physiological effect. 

I have never been interest in D&D for role-playing. I have been interested in the game for it’s playful creation with the text and which ultimately, with a group of people, interact with fiction. The games is the equivalent to a creative writing workshop but treated as a game instead. That’s why I like D&D. 

Not as a delusional, escapist, perverted, advocate platform for role-playing. Seek help if doing it for this reason. There is a market for you.

These role-players cannot ft in with board games. Their own perversions are apparent and not as healthy players. They cannot pervious reality and fiction. If these people played Star Wars: Imperial Assault, they would treat the figures like their own personas and treat the game like their own life. Like going out to the bar, but in a materialistic, and perverted way.  Most of them are fat and lazy to begin with. Weak people role-play because they are ashamed of their actions. 

Weak people come into board games because they are looking for an asset for power. This will make them strong. A healthy person sees that as a weakness as well. Healthy people do things correctly. 

Watch out for these people. Write about them. Keep them in check. Analyze their behavior. Define their friends and audience. The products they follow. The class they come from. The age group and appearance. The things they like. 

Are you like any of them? Most likely not. But, to manipulate them is to master a friendship. A source of power. 


the Ps4 story.


Kevin will buy a PS4 from his friend for about $215. I will chip in $100. I hope he plays games on it and takes care of the machine. Hope he dosen't use it to watch Netflix. A waste of money, that's for sure. Lazy too. I want it to play King of Fighters 14 this August. After I go to Summer Jam 10 as well. 

I should of check beach dates tonight on Hagey. I don't know why I didn't. I got too bored. 

Previously, I had Asian Bistro with mom. I ordered Genreal Tso beef and a California roll. Excellant. I talked to mom about working 60 hours compared to that of 40. How a "house" is NOT a nesscity by a frivously material istic thing. 60-hour working people need a bed or a dorm. NOT a house! Als o, what makes a 60-hour job ehtical and what should someone prepare to do it for... It's really all based upon the type of person and will of choice. That's whats great about America. 

Later, Mom drove to the farm and we got Ice Cream. I wanted a small vanil la in a cup. Mom got a recees ice cream in cup. She did not eat all of it . She tried to shop around for flowers by ended up with a close sign. We d rove back home. I did more research on the ipad about Reason. 


Should I buy it? Or should I be lucky that I don't have to waste $600 on i t? I think I am lucky. If I did buy it... Yeah, I could save global midi mapping. Maybe. Not really worth it. And finally make the Acid House musi c I want to make. 

Yesterday, I made a song called WHITE POWER and today NIGGERS. Haha. 

I was deeply looking for that "we will save the white race," chant from t hat jewish neo-nazi or Geroge Lincoln Rockwell. I remember it in my race and judaism class. Asshole gave me an F. Jew. 

I ended up with some classic quotes from Blood in the Face. Tried to impro vise on that. 

And today, I thought about that shocking and crudley embrassing chant by A lex Linder. Linder is a jew out to make White Nationalism evil. I know. I found the perfect NIGGER speech! 

I need to find more metal riffs. Brett Stevens metal collection on Youtube is fantastic. I have to look for another piece. 

Also, need to improve on mixing and mastering. That I really don't know ho w to do. I need someone to do it for me. I guess it cost $100 for one track. Oh well. Maybe. I will learn

The room is almost done. I need to move out that big corner thing with the cabels and everything in there. I don't need that mini mixer either. I w ill keep the USB cables. Sceince-fiction books on the ground need to slowly transition back in to the cubby shelfs. 

...I just thought about Collin's house. And his dad's office. His house is so full of clutter. Nothing but stuff in there. And... books. Useless books everywhere. Worth nothing. It's rather DOCUMENTS to justify a fictional PROFESSION. A perverted trade. All his has to do is go into one of his so-called "books" and squack out information that means nothing. Something t hat isn't wanted. I think the same way about my room. Some books I really do like. But however, have no versatile replay. Books. They are ultimatley worhtless in the end. After one reads one, they are put back on the shelft. To be conserved. Hollow text inside. I do feel it packs up the corn er of my room. Books that are kept are the books that have wisdom to it. W ill I pick up the books with wisdom again? Maybe. Books are so postmodern now. Why bothering when books can be bought online or read online? Strange. 

Books are documents to attack and exploit the weak. 

The perverted profession of a so called "English" major is to reherse the English lanague and play with the text. Some one need to know. THat's ther e perverted profession they rely on. 

What a joke. 

Automatic liberal. 

The only good trade I can think of from this: How to read and write. 

It's why I have this type writer in the first place. I can finally write my thoughts on canvas. Finally I am free from laziness and struggle. I ca n finally freely express myself and improve. 

...Colemak will not help me at the moment. I still need to learn it thought. 

Pause. Type. Thought. Type. Pause. Type. Type. Thought. Type. Pause. Type . 


That's really not a stable wordcount. I am somewhere near or below 40 WPC. 

I must put use to my so-called professional of ENGLISH AND COMMUNICATIONS after college. Yeah. Stupid nigger girl told me she did all to "commincate ." What a fuck job. College is so worthless. 

And she was the one that told me about the magical website called "internships.com." 

What another fucking joke. Blacks give me black wisdom. 

My existence is my virtue. I win. I don't need to obey no one else's law. I am god in America. 

Finally got a PS4. Brother got it this morning from a friend. 500GB and we only paid $215! Fantastic. Just it dosen't inculde another controller. 

Just bought Doom 4 moments ago. It is downloading right now. It will take forever, I know that. Hopefully an hour? Not so sure. Maybe a couple of hours. 

I looked at the whole Ps4 inventory. Theonly games that interest me is Metal Slug Anthology and King of Fighters 2000. I jsut really need another c ontroller so I can play them with Drake. Nooooo. Hopefully he will chip in. 

I don't like most of the Ps4 games that are offered really. Bad. More like, pretensious white people games. Games have evolved from NES 8-bit to inauthentic confusion. These game developers don't even know what a "game" is anymore. Idiots. 

Cleaned my room. Science-fiction books in the cubby. Have to move the card games in the basement and organzine the cables. Move the guitar amp and the power outlet. Need some kind of basket. Ookie Ookie. Tv in hear? Not sure. I like the minimal room alot. I don't feel I need to do anything. 

I feel I can do things and then move them out when I am finished. 

So... waiting for Doom 4 to downlaod and will play it for the first time. The wait is finally over! Next up: King of Fighters 14! 

...Should I get a fighting stick again? I need to check up what I wrote o n my phone memo. I did write something. I don't know. Thinking about going to the beach next saturday too. By myself. I really need it to be alone. 

Less stress. 

I should check in once in a while on office 365 and look out for the inden pendt study email that ms. baker promised. I think. Just hopefully will no t forget. 

I should buy Reason 9 too to be safe. Maybe. Will the money go anywhere? $500 for it? I am really thinking about spending it so. 


$500 for it? I am really thinking about spending it so. 

...I don't want Drake using it. And he will use it under my name too. No. I wish there was a way around it. Hopefully. He's an idiot when it comes to music. Makes noise and nevers publishes. Never keeps his songs on records. Idiot. 

I will just have to say I didn't buy it and make music as a secret. Yes. That works. MAybe only tell him I actully do have it when he wants to buy reason... maybe. Not really. I would rather keep it a secret. 

I remember my Magic old school print project. Really I just have to print out 4 packs of limited cards and use them for play. That makes things so m uch more fair. Jake's Magic Origins cards are good enough to play the game now. That set is way too balance. I would really want to prefer to play 

Magic the way it was originally held. Old School. 93/94. That really is authentic and LCG magic. Fantasy Flight should republish it one day as an LCG. Good thoughts. 

When has there not been a day I looked at porn in the morning, looked at c ounter-currents, radix journal, trad-youth, the right stuff, amren, and fa ntasy flight every daY? It's hard not to look at this stuff daily. I want to stop the habit.


I remember a time when I fond new stuff everyday. Now I think everyone has found everything and everything is relevant. Inform ation overload. No more new discoveries anymore. Annyoing. I need to find new daily habits on the internet., I jsut feel as thought there is someth ing greater to look at online and what I am missing out on. 

What is it? Art? Music? Writing? Japanese? Games? Video-Games? News? What is something I should ook towards dailt that isn't any of these things?? 

Vacation? Adult Friend Finder? Omegle? Maybe I should do things which get me out of the hosue then stay indoors and treat the interent as a tool an d library. My hobbies really come from the amazing power of the computer and the internet. 

I remember looking at Freewrite's Twitter everyday in Spring semester 201 6 just so this Freewrite typewriter can come out. It now has! And I am typ ing on it! Thank god! 


I think I should be using the interent to find places to hang out. Yes. Th at's always exciting. Just like how I signed up for Summer Jam 10. SNK told me this on the internet. I show up. I remember I use to look up concerts on the internet and I would plan out the dates I would go see a band. I use to been every social with the computer. I can;t keep up with the ever flowing data now. I wish I can control somehow. Comfort has became my habi t. I must check the news everyday to feel alive. It's better for me to re ad everyday than do nothing. I have to go walking the dogs, lift weights, some kind of "surrogate acitivty" (to borrow the phrase from the unibombe r). I should go back to Netrunner nights or go to Thursday night... Wedesndays? 

I am a self-made man. I don't need dependency anymore. I am learning the curve. Most people donm't do this anyway. If they are rich and famous, som eone else does it for them. I have to do these things on my own. This is the cold truth outside academia world. Most idiots with degrees in Miedevial History at Houston University ends up working for a phone company at a job in Philadelpiha. How odd. That was a self-made action. 

Everything is the action of one's will. I wish I had my own will back. Ezra Pound once said that a slave wishes someone to set him free. I don't need to be dependent. I need to create my own paths and become my own boss. This even means creating a path to make my own money as well. 

Euclide's Elements I should buy as paperback. I don't what it's about. But I do know it's a book about "mental masturbation." 

Cisero's On Duties is coming the mail along with Poloroid breif case for Freewriite. Good. 


Glenn, that dickhead.



Just got back from a fancy Mexican resturant with brother. It cost $65.00. I paid for the tip of $6. I had a coke. Not like me. It was ok. Too much 

. I can feel the drug effect now. 

And then I bitched about Glenn and his shitty game stroe all the way back in the car while Drake was driving in Vally Forge park at sunset. 

Mad. Turns out Doomtown is done for. August 2014 - August 2016. A good two years. Makes me want to meditate on that thought. I kind of knew the game would not last long. Maybe Fantasy Flight will ressurect the game oon en 

ough. Maybe. I sold my collection for $40! I need to buy it back for $150! Arrrghhhh! I should store it in a safty chamber and never open them again 

. Yes. It might be worth it. I get ideas how I would make my own CCG and release it like how Doomtown did it. Awesome. I know it can work out. 

Also, this dumb Pokemon Go thing thats going on. I hate it. Never liked Po kemon. I think I want to write out a 2000 word hatred for the game. Sum it up like this: Millinials get froced with Japanese products from the future, believe white idenity is like the Japanese, now have access as adults to drive cars, choose to go places and social outings for a socially akwar d concept. Not social at all. Mentally retarded and an escape from realit y. I can think about it more. But anyway, I always hated pokemon. So what ? Fuck them. 

I boguht two records today from Shady Dog. 1. Newcleus - Jam on it, and Ki taro - Asia. Cost me $11.50. When I was shuffling around for recordes, th e manager brought over cheese and spinach square pizza. He said, "hey! you 

want to try a bite? It's really good! you won't regret it!" I came in fo r a slice and slowly ate the thing while I check the Alphabetical listing s. I ask the Jewish guy, "No David Bowie Low?" He said, "I saw it a F.Y.E , it's a reissue!" I then looked over for Depeche Mode. Nothing much. Some 

great reward is still there. Tons of erasure. I just won't but it for some great reward is still there. Tons of erasure. I just won't but it for some reason. The Robert Fripp records haven't moved either. I tried looking f or Talk Talk It's my Life, coulnd not find it. Even though the website ha d it listed. I was going to go for Radiohead's new album on white lp. Too expensive. $32. Nope. I remember finding a Nitzer Ebb record too. I didn' t want to try it either. And there was The clockwork Oranbge Soundtrack, Switched on Bach 2, and Lord of The Rings jazz band. I would get that recor d if there were any electronics on that. My choices were made up and I bo ught the records.

I thought about going back to Sam Ash and buying another midi controller. Let's see. I have to go feed Alice's fishes, maybe go to board game night tommorrow at West Chester, clean room... The table seemse to be getting b igger. I really need to clean. 

I am getting happy for the first time in a while. I am not focusing on college at all! I just have to go forward and be an ani mal ready to go out for buisness war. Enough discpline will turn me into a crime-breaking corporate CEO. Hell yeah! That's what I want to be! 

(wow, first time I check the special button and I reached 600 words again. like I am so natural to hit 600 everytime). 

Thinking of bad thoughts now. Let see. I'm in the car with Car. A funny It alo-disco tune comes on. I try to make the point that Italo is about melod y and less about drum machine. Kevin buts in and tries to shoot me down. I clearly repeat myself and explain the house music, a more underground and lower-class genre oif the time, relied on exploitation of the drum machi ne and was anti-musical. Italo disreagarded house and saw the drum machine and anti-music. That's it in a nutshell. We went quite for a bit, picked the hairs of my belly. Went into the Mexican restruant. 

I shaved my belly and pubic hairs. I feel better. And my dick feels bigge r. 

I talked to Kesly in a first time in a while. I think i will be meeting him again on August 19 or the 20th. Exciting. Lulu book will be done by th en. 

I need to make a song in reason where i automate the TB303 with my new midi controller and make some drum patterns. Also have to looking into a US B mic controller. I want to sing again. I hope I get the best out of my 3 0 day free trial of Reason. 

Need... To... clean... room... UGGHHH. 


Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Ditch The COLEMAK / Play Paper Mario


...Did I ditch COLEMAK? Not sure. Just walked Leroy around the farm for 30 mintues and tried to start my weight lifting habit again. I can feel a differnce. Ever since I went to work, my expectations rose, and feel down tragically. I used 3/4 weeks of my life to try this internship. It just w asn't for me. 

And it was inhumane too. Oh well. That's why there is protest against phone company

Yesterday, I was trying to watch Star vs. The Forces of Evil marathon. DRAKE for the first time opened up the Magic cards I bought him for Christma s. I played too. The most balance Magic I ever played. I tried to watch S tar, but drake was ridiculing me yet again. I cried in my room later. I g ot to watch a few episodes. The problem was that the TV was switched on S panish. Retarded Grandma. She has depression. I can feel it. Also, low IQ . "Dementia" dosen't count. 

Slowly but surely, finally, my post tramtic stress disorder of late 2015 t o early 2016 isa going away. I have to unapolgetic and keep with my own g oals. It was unjust I went there. Just like the bad internship. I should l eave when I want. ...to stay at a hostile campus. Not sure why. I am devoted to get that degree. I don't care a nymore. Lie-cheat-steal-kill-rape for it.

I bought a midi controller today with $160 of the Magic money. I have 1005 dollars left. Amazing. Three packs of Arabian Nights and a pack of Antiq ues. I am lucky. That would of been my internship paycheck by the way. 

I am thinking about buying Reason 9 for $400. And then $150 more for the a dd-ons (Tb-303, 909/808). The 808 is not that good. It's ok. Not sure if I want to go $40 on that. 

Yes. I want to write that My Life As A Teenage robot and Star Vs. The For ces of Evil comparison soon. I have to watch more episodes of Star. I fee l like I am 15 again. 9 years ago. MLAATR has ressurrected and it hauntin g me again. This time, Star is. 


(plugged the Freewrite into the wall, move it over to this white drawer, trying to sit and write this time. Batterty low. Charging). 


I have to clean out my room again. I have to move the sceince-fiction boo ks into the book cubbies. I have to get rid of the wooden thing right next 

to me. I put away both TB-s and the the TR-8. I don't need them now. Mak ing music in Reason is more powerful. I bleive it. Also, might need USB v ocal mic. I want to sing again. 

I have the money. Just, what to SPEND it on? Spend anyway? Or should I sa ve it? I need a an account, where I save the money, and cannot use it for 

anything else. 

...A savings account? Maybe. I already have one with more than $100,000 i n there. I am living the good life without spending any of it. Only using 

it for College. If I got the money, the university wants me. $$$. I will try Princeton. Once. And only for a class. Haha. 

I finally found Japanese Youtube clips of the real Mineo Maya in the fles h. Interviews and radio talk. Japanese only. I wish i was Donald Keene, or Edward Sidensicker, or Jack Seward, or... Jared Taylor. My Japanese is ok though.

Jared Taylor. Is that why I am like that today? I don't know. 

Listening to Amren radio now. Adrian Davis and Jared Taylor. Too bad I co uldn't see Davis in New York. Oh well. One day. 

What have I done this summer? Wrote and made music. King Trode and my soon to be Lulu book. Oh well. Summer 2016. 

Habits is the key to learning. The key to diuscpline. And the creating of GOOD art. 

L+_Special = Bright screen on/off.
Saves battery? It does. Hold on... Bathroom. 

Thoughts about Paper Mario. Koopa in nice hammick house, listening to electronic hawiian music...


Thoughts about Paper Mario. Koopa in nice hammick house, listening to elec tronic Hawaiian music, all day long. Laying there, The good life... 

Back. Shit and shaved my (((unibrow))). 

All I need is to shave up my hairy body and lifht weights. I become more confident in myself. I just don't want to be fat. I need to take care of my body more often. 

...the thoughts of college life come back to me. The feeling of dread. The fe eling of 10 months before. That in my life. How can I go on? I can. Is it curcial to my personal physcology? Or do I have to improve my st renght? I can't act like a "young" person anymore. I must be strong. Tough . I can overcome. I just don't know hoe to overcome irrational bad thought s daily. Is this normal? Or is it not? I think it might be natural for an y human being to have these daily thoughts of dread. Dread. How to deal w ith it? Most people cannot and probabley think it's unnatural. They try to purge it. Call it, a "triger warning." The millinial genreation is very intresting. I think this is apart of growing up. The bourgeois classes don ;t know how to grow up. Writing, this Freewrite, is my cure. My personal growth is writing daily. I want to coninue that. 

Hopefully I will be able to go to sleep tonight. Last night, I took a Mil atonin, knocked out at 11, woke back at 3, pissed, and listened to Charles Krafft until 6:30. Another Attack.
I am strong. I worry about this upcoming, last semester. I am strong. 

Lift more weights. Find girls. Find a job. Make an income. Find a place. That sounds like a plan. I am getting tired of Alice sadly. She's ok. Not sure If I can live my life with her. 

Yet, I keep coming back to her. I found her. I am proud of that. Maybe it can work out. Maybe. Not sure. 

I want to protest ot the US. Goverment that like Elliot Roger, I have never had sex! it with a pick-it sign in front of the white house. Don't blame them, blam my own actions. Make them feel sympathetic. 

And then they will reward me with pretty girls to have sex with it. R.I.P. Elliot Rogers. 

Diseased people write about diesaed things. Sex, Race, cruel hobbies. Vio lence. Violence! 

What will I do tommorrow? Unsure. Happy Birthday Dad and Carl Schmiit! 

Shady Dog Records, Feeds Alices Fishes, Sam Ash Again for econd Midi Contr oller, Comic book day. Lift wegihts, write again, make music. CLEAN MY ROOM. I have to put my mind to these things! 

Tried to hang with Dicklick and Jacob Danaker tonight. They are too lazy eating shit and playing shitty video games. Great. So glad I don't do those things. I want to be a healthy Aryan. 

 oh, maybe go to ocean city again this week? I yhink Hagey is offering the ride. I have to check. 

Too hurty to write on write drawer things. Need this on table. I will let the battery charge for now... 


Radiohead New Album Promotion



I turned off the black light now. Typing at 4 in the morning. Farting and cannot go nack to sleep. 

So, a lot jas jappen since thince. I don't know where to begin. I.. 

I feel writing in QWERTY is taKksd jj a yoll on my finbgers. I need to le arn colemak. 

Too tired to write and i can't see a word. I don't want to turn on the lig ht again... 

Ok, it's on again. This time I can't see the keys! And if the screen if o gg, I can't see tthe screeb! I am doomed either way. TYhat's why I wanted 

a night light or just learn colemak. ....Waiting on Colemak stickers too. 

I didn't eat much yesterday. Pasta for breakfast at 2, lunchable at 6, sh it too. I should eat fruit this morning. 

Collin want's me more over at his house at 12. Great. Not no sure If I do want to go. 

I had a dream about a messy room. Piss everywhere and dirt. Mad and scre aming. This is usually been happening in my sleep when I take a 10m Milla tonin. 

I had to wrtie because I thought about two things: 1. CCG defintions and 2 . The Ego Charachter and social narrative. I am coming very close to a ne w world view based around psycjology. As for CCGs, I have to write down m y board game / Netrunner career. 

Also, I should print out files abd put them o nthe usb stick. Just to be o n the safe side. 

Wow. I am finally touch tyoubg wutgiiyt care if nessubg yo wirds. Thanks Freewrite. Typing has became an uapoletic sport. 


Now to increase WCPM.
Too tired. Jave to go back to sleep. 00000 

Sent from my Freewrite 


-Today is my Dad's birthday and Carl Schmitts. I remeber last year the sam e thing occured and when I realized both my Dad and Carl Schmitt were born 

on July the 11th.

So... the itnernship. I did learn a lot. I can say that. And... So muc wh en on that, I lost my daily writing interest. I have to learn to get back 

to it. 

Also, I have been "unlearning" typing in QWERTY and noe trying to learn C OLEMAK. This is going really slow and actully distracting me. The more I learn Colemak, the less I write in QWERTY. Is this damaging to my writing 

Let me turn on COLEMAK on the Freewrite and see what I can write... today i write in colemak. my wordcount is slow. 

So yeah. That single sentence written above took me at least tow mintues in colemak. I am going in snails paste. Somehow, I have to discpline myse lf to learn colemak while at the same time, write a sentence or two in co lemak! THis is hard. Especially that I can just write things in QWERTY mus t faster and quicker. 

But why swtichy to COLEMAK if QWERTY does a fine job to begin with? 

First, after writing 6000 words about how to write a gamebook, I felt a st rain with my fingers or my wrist. I don't want this to countniue. I find i t quite akward too that the word "TYPEWRITER" is on the first line of the keyboard! As if, I am punching in keys I really shouldn't be learning to punch in the first place! I like looking down on the keys, yes, but, typin g should come so natural, that my fingers should not leave the home row an d be dsicpline to type like spider legs. 


I just thought about my book plan. Early May to Late August, I should comp ile my first Freewrite files, gamebook doc, and omegle sex roleplay, and 


ile my first Freewrite files, gamebook doc, and omegle sex roleplay, and compile it into a book. That would be the most perfect journal! That thoug ht just occured to me. Three weeks off the Freewrite and I feel like I ha ve shot. How will I be able to work a full-time job and still have an hou r in the night to write what I want? That must be accomplished. The Veriz on job was terrible. It felt like abuse. No matter. Keep looking straight 

ahead and let the past go (Joy Electric). 

My QWERTY hands are strange. I can look at the screen and know what words I am writing. But, my hands have strange movement. I never learned to "to uch type" under QWERTY. I don't want to start, because I would rather touc h type using COLEMAK. I still need to learn the words of Colemak... 

Yes. I have $1050 in the bank and waiting on an extra $100 from this one guy. My brother keeps pushing me to buy some stupid musical instrument. I thought about it. I really don't want to now. It's better just to save the 

moeny for later. I have power, but I like having that! Buisnesses don't care how people feel. In the end, they want my moeny to feel good about t he money they saved. Buisnesses exploit people's desires and get high off 

the money they make. The number 1 rule to any buisness, don't spend any m oney. Save it! And for the consumer, don't spend money! No transaction is ever "worth it." Only the electric and water bill, food, and homing is im portant. The rest makes life better. The best way to spend money is on th e improvements of one natural and healthy life. Not consuming. 

Everything is so topsy-turvey that people don't care. College is not even a safe transaction any more. Money spent is money lost. 

My $460 was worth it on this Freewrite. I really needed a typewriter. Bre aks everything from the millinial and computer establishment. I feel free 

from the "pyscho-socilaist" and "narrative" based life of the "similacrum ." 

This keyboard might as well a similacrum too. However, I am making sure I suffer some kind of pain while I'm on this. 

Let's see. I know what I have to do.
1. Clean downstairs corner. Get things off desk, move them upstairs in roo m.


3. Clean my upstairs book shelf. Move the science fiction books on the gro und and into the new books cubbies. Move outdated game boxes back into the 

4. File unused netrunne rcards back into the folder. Move Mineo Maya books 

off table and into book cubby.
5. Make sure nothing is on the ground in my room! 

I have been son lazy because I quite enjoy the surroundings of the thigns on my table. But being clean gives a new surrouding. 

Also, I have to get the printed out word discpline paper and move it upsta irs. I have to look at that again to get inspired. 

I only have two arts and crafts over the summer. Writing on this Freewrit e, and making music with the TR-8 and two TB-3s. I have made a couple of tracks online at www.soundcloud.com/kingtrode. 

Yet, when August comes, I will have to move the drum machine and synths ba ckl into the boxes in the closet of my room. I can see it. And eventurall y... sell them? Not sure. I like them a lot. But music really is a "renta l" thing. I only buy things to rent them and give them away to other peopl e in use of them. That's sounds like a significant life for the machines. 

I thought about buying a new computer. Not sure what I should do with it n ow. Make more music? Stupid. Play games? Maybe. 

Everyday, I've been seeing King Of Fighters 14 clips anbd I am getting mo re excited to go out and play the game. If only I got to see Penn every w eek. Or some kind of fighting game community. Some kind of King of Fighter s group. Arrrgghhh. New at least two friends... Kesley and Penn... to pla y the new Kof with. Come back! That scene at Montco was great! I miss it everyuday! Fighting games as a hobby is amazing. I wish I just had weekly 

acess to it. 

And then there is Netrunner. I took a break from it recently. I jsut bough t the last five packs of the Mumbad cycle. Glad it's complete. 12 more fu ture packs of Netrunner to go before it "cycles" out. That's when my Netrunner collection is complete. I might go see MAtt today and go play a game 

. ...If anyone shows up. And I have to make two decks! 

And then there is trips to the beach. I thank Hagey Bus tours. I feel so r elieved about it. Trips to the beach are amazing and refreshing. I'm not so sure the right words for that would be. But, I got money. So, a nice tr ip to the beach is fantastic. 

...Hungry. Will eat. Having thoughts about driving to Shady Dog Records an d pciking up Radioheads new album on vinyl. No. Spenindg money. Need food at the momenet... 


WORK IS 666.



I am really burtnt up, beat up, from my internship since the last two wee ks. Espicalluy a few hours ago. I have departed from my Freewrite to purs ue work. Om return, I am hurt. I am writing this possibly at 3 in the morn ing. I just masutrbated to the thoguht of the hot indian girl at work. Ame rican Indians who speak good english are amazing. 

My mind is set to "on" and I must write how I see things. I can't go back to sleep unless I can caych each thought and write it to canvas I have re alize the art of wtiying is more imporatn than work, acuyllu. Becayse it is woirk. 

LKet see. First, I am trying to learn COLEMAK as offour horus ago. I can ytu everuday and see where it fies frin there. 

Second, I had this thought about masturbation addictyion and porn addition. Two differnt things. Can one exist without the other? no. Porn is great. 

Long live our fascination with sexuality! 

...Now I feel crippled writing with QWERTY. It's like I woke up in the ma trix or soemthing. I can see mu hands do a dabce one the keuvboard. My rig hjty hand hoes up and down and my lefy just tyoers the others words. Itis like, when I think of words, my mind writes in QWERRTY! I think I should practice the thing stommorrow morning. 

...by the way, my glasses are on.. Thwe riin us dark and I cant see a key . Too tired to turbn on a light. Oh well. I can "inmaginwe" i am tying an d it works just as well. 

Onlu and idioy would think I am an idiot writing. Idiots don't deserve to write. 

I can write about the crazies I saw in Cedar, Thompson, and Ashton Townshi p. Westmoreland too. A day awat from the kleyvboard seems like a year. Ou ch. 

I want to finish that 6000 wird draft on hoiw to write a gamevbook. That d eserves attention. 


Yrah, I had yo write these things down the day it happend. Going to get so me watyer and god back to sleep. 

Also, have to go to BUTT FUCK Police station tomnmorrow tyo drop off a ti ckety, I forgot to put on my light beams. Anmd forogt adrivers liceenses. 

Ok, goodnight. 


Mondays Notes Taken 

Mondays Notes Taken: Crew you work with: Erica - Beach
Tevin - Gym 

Crystal - Read
– - Pyrolifting
Bryan - Family to take care of
Connor - Montain Bike
Mike (guy talking to you) - ultimate frisbee 

You should memorize the packet you have.
Maybe write everything over 17 times again and again.
-Print it out so you can read it.
-Mem orzie!
-Focus on the important things!
SMILE - Always Smile! Don’t ever feel sad. Or ele you will get fired for not smiling! EYE-CONTACT - Pay-attnetion and have an interest in your client / customer. Be trustworthy! EUTHANISM. -Be passionate about what you do! You ARE the Virizon Company.
The way you re-act, the way the customer reacts!
Be the thermastat! Not the thermoitor.
Complete strangers are like going out on the first date.
Devlope courtmanship and it leads into observation.
Observe a customers enviorment. Like his clean front-lawn or waving falg Flyers logo outside. 


Start an initial conversation OTHER THAN WHAT YOU ARE SELLING. -Your pets
-Nice hosue
-Nice motorcycle 

Pick up Verbal and non-verbal ques.
“How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.” 





-"Keeping up with the Jones.”
-I need it mentality.
-Not the fdirst or last bought.
-So and so bought it, I should have it. -Puersadion of the current fad. 

-Acting opposite of a sales person -Acting as the consultant
-How you are acting against the sale. -Looking for your self -Exploittative 

-Act before you miss out! -Paranoia
-Black Friday as an example. -80% off, only today! 

1. SENSE OF URGENCY. -Reward Factor
-Need to do it
-Do this now. 

-Reep the benefit further! 


-ACT NOW! Get these benefits. All 4 facotrs are IMPULSIVE. 


Remember this quote: 

“Hey Big Baby Wanna Wear Red Underpants Tonight?” 

H - Have nad maintain a postivie attitude. 

B - Be on time! 

B - Be prepared, fresh outfit, more relaxed. 

W - Work a FULL day! Without break! 

W - Work your TERRITORY correctly. 

R - RESPECT Yyour customer! and client! 

U - Understand your oppurtunities. Howto be effective at sales, how WILLING are you to do it? 

T - Take Control! -MAKE A DISCISION to do something! 



If you knock on 70 doors, your WILL get money! 

DAY 1: You talk to potential customre s all day and finally get A SALE OR TWO AT THE END of the day. 

DAY 2: Make good sales in the afternoon! However, don’t slack off! KEEP WORKING! Day 3: You make sales all day. Must make good connections for this to happen.


-Break the ice. Smile. EyeContact. Eutusiasm. 


-Tell a short story. Builds the impulse. Reduce the skeptics! -Sizzle the deal! Keep it simple Stupid!
-Be confident! Take control. Assume the sale!
-Suggest more options. Increase your profit. 

Today is June 20th. You have 28 days to create a habit in your internship. July 18th will be the transformation day. 

Create five goals to improve on that day. 

1. Waking up early
2. Going to the gym
3. Eating healthy
4. Reading a book
5. Writing everyday on the Freewrite. 

The Mastery. 

-Master your profession! You are a professional! In order to grow perfessionally, you have to FEEL professionally. 

-Work a full day.
-And then anything is possible to make your living!
-The process will happen right then and there.
Study everything above. Tuesday at 11. Weds and schedule 12-7. 


Monday, November 7, 2016

More Thoughts on "Alt-Left."


The declaration for the insitute for the alternative left. It is:


The French Revoultion was a misunderstood mistake. Communism was a regin of terror.The New Left made the left worse. The left created both itself and the right. There would be no “right” without a left. The Alt-left wants to start from year-zero and reintroduce what it means to be “left.” No violence or reveoultion. 

The “left” is an aspect of European man that wants Friends, Family, and Freedom. To live by the mind and to size every oppurtunity in life without limitation. to become a god. However, must work to get there, no free rides. All humans have the potential to live by the mind (no egalatarism, just the same potetnial to get there). To live a great life is to be fufilled. To think outside the thought of oneself and control. To become “free.” 

Also, write about “the perverted color of red” and send it to left politicall incoreect. They m...

(((where is the rest???)))



Work Sucks (wish a hot girl was sucking me)



The TR-606 expansion for the Roland TR-8 finally came out! I made a song with it. 

The half-blind black girl obsessed with Ash Crimson and Patalliro favorite me on my soundcloud and she likes “go fuck youself.” She commented on it twice. 

I should buy the beach tickets tonight. Alice might be availbe next week. I should buy 2, and if she dosen’t show, I will return the other ticket. 

I am starting work this monday and meeting my mentor, Shawn, tommorrow. He said he wants to give me stuff so I can catch up early before monday. Hopefully its not written homework. I am thinking it is just reading stuff. Good to know. 

I listen to Guy again last night. letsago YTMND site about “heffer’s mom” is always funny. He played a Guy song. I know Teddy Reily is in Guy. So I heard the first two tracks on the album. I want it on LP now... 

“Teddy’s Jam” is classic. Very nostalgic and quirky Fairlight Computing going on. That song has been stuck in my head all day. A good thing. I hear it in the morning. I hear it walking the dog, hear it eating dinner (Panera Bread. I had Steak and Cheese Panini thing) and hear it right now. A good tune. Will forget in a few days. Maybe. 

So I was thinking about the whole Brett Stevens thing. About how “blogging” and the interent does not lead to self-improvement, but arrogant egotism and hedonist nihilism. Bad things. The “Mineo Maya Fanclub” was launched. And I haven’t posted a new article in a week. Even though, I could get any daily piece I written and share it with the public. No. I feel like it’s an invasion of privacy. I really do now. The perspection of writing changes when you realize someone else is reading your work. Sallinger is right. I should stop thinkg about that. 

I feel like a much better person writing my thoughts in privacy. However, at the end of August, and the beggining of September, I need to compile all of my Freewrite pieces and create a single Lulu book. 

Purchased two copies. Keep one on my bookshelf, they other hidden away in my closet. It’s like I written it with pen and paper in a journal. No need to re-edit or anything. The written word is true. 

If I wanted to get better at writing, I chose an already existing piece, re-write it, and publishs it as an updated, better thing. No of my previosu thoughts change. Only langauge. 

I want to write about anything. It will be a private, limited to two copies, Samizdat. It’s like the whole Talk Talk, Aphex Twin, Sallinger privacy thing. That seems to be really authentic. I can already feel a self-improvemnt within myself. Knowing that my own writing is improving that I know I have made the correct edits and word choice. ...And typing speed! Knowing how much my Word Per Minute (WPM) thhing is going. And word count. Everything is word count! Not page count. Idiot teachers saying it’s worth “pages.” Idiotic. Word Count! Word count is everything!! 

Also, I have been playing with Softube Modular. Fun Eurorack Reason Synth. I hope they aadd more to it. If only I had a mac processor and a touch screen to go with it (or borrow a copy). That reminds me, need to downlaod Heartbeat demo and try out those modules too. 

What am I going to buy with my first paycheck? A suit and tie? Sounds about right. And finally that PS4? Yes. Don’t start psending so fast. Need to spend it wisely. 




Low pulse rate. 4AM. Three hour nap. Woke up. Mu head is sore from new pillow. Dosen’t work. I really think I need to speen 100 on the super kind. The turth is, that would work. 

I wrote too much when I was gone from this. I wrote walking, then I wrote in the pool, and a gain before bed 4 hours ago. I read Araon Cleary again. I am afraid to pick up books becuase of the wisdom I will take from it and think about in a whole week. Yet, I do feel a kinf od birvanna when the text agrees with my own solupist point of view. As if, I really don’t need to write in the first place, when current day test is there to back me on it. I feel relived. I am not the only one with thoughts like I have. Now, why dosen’t everyone else think like me too? A quest i countinue. 

Also, was bumming about my unfinished gamebook I started back in mid April. Two months later, I did write a bit in section B on this freewrite. I can copy and past the content into the gamebook program. Only on winds, only if I press certain buttons on the start up on my mac, and the program cost m e $ 60 for the year! Really re-considering. Could of bought a norm al chose your own adventure book. I bought it really for the web based building blocks and then the number generator. Thats what I need. Otherise, copy the numbers 2-399 on a text file, randonly select a number, delete it, and add it to the next entry. This is after when all the paths of have been written. 

I’m a genius. $60 saved. I should export the text and save it for later. Good idea. I will go back to once in a while. Hellfire Temple. I just got an idea about a teasing monkey section. It’s going to be really intresting once Alice reads my story. 2 hours max or less? Very small. I could write two adventures and put them in one book. Or three. 

A day without writing is such a waste. Why can’t I just go up to the typewriter, turn it on, and start writing? 

Also, why in the world do I need a $1000 computer right now? And with the whole music making process with the TR-8 and two TB-3s? That’s successful. 

I never picked up Dragon Quest 8 for the playsation after I traded in the pink DS with DQ9. Something about 9 is not right. 

Am I lazy? A parasite? A attention-deficent disordeite? Spoiled and careless? Escaping? Or is the internet way too powerful as a souce of media? 

And also, maybe these hobbies are a reflection, a surrogate, if i stayted a week, on say, a beautiful island, like Jamica, or bny the Jersy Shore. MEaning my “time off” is not being properly enjoyed and I have way too much time off creating depression. It’s why I pick up the sport of writing daily. 

So I want go fucking crazy. At least I have made a healthy contribution to my self. I already feel a certain spirtual growth. 

Now I all have to do is to shoot up a school and my writings would be shared nationwide. (sarcaism ) 

Elliot Rogers had a lot to say for a 23 year old. Some good wisdom and writing. Biggie and Tupac were both only 24 and 25. They can be labeled as “school shooters” too. I can’t belive how young they all are. 


Lifing weights always solves that problem. I feel better already. Strive towards greatness! 

...I want to fuck Joshie (josh) in the ass. Give me the date night, the condom, the night, I will cuddle him so hard and put it up there. I would try it anyway. I want to see him giggle and cry for me. 

Only problem is he would never leave me. Uggghhh. Isn’t it? 

Birds are chirping outside. I hear one already. I should lay back down. I have to to meet Shawn in the morning at 11 at Starbucks. 




Brett Stevens (typing in the dark)


I was reading Brett Stevens again. friend found out about him. He has a new book about Nihilishism coming out shortly. I read Amerkia.org once in a while. 

(I don't have my glasses on. I can'y see the keuboard ot tyje letters I am punching in. It is a figgrtny erxperince. That way, I am writing based on feeling, not logic. I am like Wynham Lewis when he went blind... Should I learn dvorak or colemak when i am ay oy? Ot ,ight be better for the blind type writer. Right nowm, I am nlinf hitting on imaginary mallets. It's quite fun!) 

I kisy read a Syevens article titled "You are a orduct." Rhis really felt good. It is something i would write about, but Stevens said it in a better word choice. Syevens argues thar bloggers are not meaningful, but products ri a narjett. 

No noe has meaning anymore. Stevens suggest taht we should abandon the interent and start writing priviatley again. This is the only authentic voice we can gave. I really feel the Salinger and Talk Tlk in Syevens. This is something I want to do too. 

My goal is this. Take thr Freewrite writings of May, June July and AAgugust and compile a personal lulu book of my writings and call it “diary summer 2016." This would be the wright thing to do. O dont care about spelling and or grammer. That comnes later... wgen i find my glasses. Wrioting is raw withoiut editing. So i will countinue to do that. 

Hey. Maybe I should write more often with my glasses off. I need to discplinee myself not to look ay yhe keubaord or the screen itself. I
shoudl only know that i have written an paragraph and end a sentence. Maybe look straight ahead abd think about thing with i pun ch the kkeys. I want to speaks into an aydui recorded and then the audio is translated into text. Yes. I need to teach my ingers how to do that. Without stop or pause. Pausing kills writing. I need to be very unapolgetic. 

Stevens also argues taht the world needs more editors, not writers. We live in the information age and already have enough writers to begin with. It is a matter of getting the text and editing to make sense of it. 

A four year old could yell a silly and dumb tyale of "aze cop" only then that his older brother willl edit the story to make it sound like Shakespere. The world needs more ditors! 

Writing is mostly nonsense. The edited thoguht is what counts (kill the niggers kill the jews race war now gas the kikes 18/44) 

I feel for poor Lewis when he was blind. He had a clipboard and a penicl, would write the papers and they would fall on the floor. His wife would pick them up anf edit them later. Hlad this machine can justtype and send into a single file. 

So thats the goals. I will keep writing private thoughts until the end of August and when the job internship is over. 

I am still happy I got the job. Still regreting not going into today. Maybe it was the right choice to take 3 days off. Who knows? What If i am hypinv things up too much? 


Muslims Blow Up Shit


I was thinking about Athletic people this morning. 

And then the TV said 50 people died in the most horrfic terrosit attack the united states has ever seen. 

A Muslim walks in a shoots 100+ gay people. Really funny stuff. I was laughing when I first saw the headline. 

An instant win for Donald Trump. Yes! 

Now, the strange part is about a muslim killing gays. Could this mean that Twinks for Trump will become a thing? Will there be right-wing gays for the first time in forever? 

I waited with Dad for Baraq Obongo's speech t 1:30. He didn't show. So he came on at 2. Meanwhile, I was trying to make a drum and bass beat on the Roland TR-8 (808 kit too). 

Gorka, "Defating ISIS" journalist, said Obongo would not talk about the real issues and would only dodge. He was right. 

Obongo said something about their being too much guns, and victimization of gays. 

The death list came later. Turns out, the list is full of hedonist Puerto Ricans. Nope, no Freds from Scoody-Doo. THAT is your gay audeince! 

"Well, it JUST SO HAPPENS these "gays" are Puerto Ricans! Anything can be gay!" 

I think Chuck Pulhnick said it perfectly about his own career. "Journalist only care where I puted my dick in last." 

Soon after, National Socialist queers came on the TV. They waved militant flags of rainbow and their joyful queer (and white) advocates slammed their stump speech. I took a picture behind the queer, of a waving Israel flag! 

(((guess who is behind all this?))) 

This is going to be an intresting year. I hope another massacre happens soon. It's becoming meaningful. White society thought that Columbine was the worse thing that could ever happen to their post-modern, liberal society. And then one after another, thier system is getting worse and worse. 

If only this Omar kid was white! Yes. This would be such a meaningful day in histroy. Racist fascist are real! And they want to tear down our communist society! All the french postmodernist and Jewish frankforters were right! All this leads to the gates of Aushwitz! Oh vey! 

He wasn't. He never will be. Dylan Roof was expectation. He did it with at least a thought out manifesto. Something I could agree upon (meta fourth wall breaking trigger decontruction trigger warning!). 

What will this mean about this pathetic fraud of "gay idenity?" My uncle considers himself "gay," even though he married later. It's like, being gay is like taking pride in being plutonic, bourgeois, and passive-agressive. It's a materialsitic form of white nationalism. Sad really. I always knew the "gay idenity" thing was a fraud. No such thing. It's the bourgeois runnign amuck. "Gay idenity" didn't appear until the 1960's. And it was thought of being soooooo coool. When will Americans realize this is a defect in our own way of thinking? When will someone call out gays for faking it all? 

Life is a parodoy. Weatherman fake being "gay" to get the job. It's an easy way of somethign they are on the left. 

Yeah, thanks left! (lana) You really change American life in 50 years! You were all able to get into positions of power and somehow change science into philosphy and work into lesiure. As if, your life plan was to destroy nature and life live to it's fullest. 

I can't believe what Obongo said durning his speech. "They were only living their lives." 

"Lives?" Please. Puetro Rican hedonist preying upon the innocent? The possibly of whites too? Disgusting. 

No one wants to self improve anymore. The easy way out is decadent. 

It's not fun to be decadent anymore is because everyone is being decadent! I thought being "decadent" was going to a beach, fucking girls, and having hobbies. Not living life in lower class bumfuck Florida, picking up weak people, listing to shitty music, and having no future plans. "Decadent" to me sounds like only the billionaires could do it, not weak man. 

Weak man will never become like rich man. It's jsut is. 

Americans have been repressed of their nationalism. No one is allowed to be a nazi anymore. Nationalism is a healthy way of living life. All animals are nationalist. We were once nationalsit based on race. Now us white have to be nationalist for hobbies and usless things! 

I remember when it was LGBQ. Lesibian, Gay, Bisexual, Queer, stick-up-the-ass kind. Now its LGBT. Transgender! When did they get in? I know for a fact some gays really hate Transgengers like thier favorite conservative white male. How are Transgender gay? It's egalatarism is too equal. 

Diversity and Multicultralsim causes tension and conflcit! -Jared Taylor. 

Rosie O'Donnel and Whoopi Goldberg will hate each other forever. "I am a lesibian! You can't say that!" "I am black! You can't say that either!" 

And "interectionalism" is suppose to cure this? It sounds like a monopolization of buisnesses. Just like how capitalism works! 

Did any of these morons read Gramsci, or Adorno, or Focult, or Derrida, or Lacan, or any European idiot? 

Sound too me these so-called "intellects" I just mentioned are rather bourgeois. They claim to be on the left, but they did it out of upper-class security. Just so they won't have any opponents. 

This is what runied the left. The left died. It thought it would be resurrected itself through culture. It did. Mission accomplish? No. No one wants to be called a true leftist. The left lost it's way in the forest. 

I am slowly crawling to a position what would be called an "alt-left" position. The alt-right it good, but the left cannot be forever defeated. It needs a re-insitutionalization. The left is apart of the right as the right is apart of the left. The left needs medical attention. I am writing something what would be called an alt-left declartaion or manifesto. I thought long and hard about the real benfits of the left. 

Imagine a left without jews, equality, theroy, philosphy, or liberals! Yes! It's a dream come true! It would be like Zen Buddahism for white people! 

In the middle of writing that... 

I should look out for the TR-606 epansion coming out next week. June 17th. Also should get those beach tickets. I really need the money. I sold Big O volumes 1 and 2 for $71. 

Also, should write about Atheletes as Barbarian-liberals. That thoght raced through my mind after Dragon Quest 8 on PS2 session. In the basement. No lights on too.

I had pickles, pinapples, and frozen chicken for lunch. 

No much more I can say. Dave is annoying. Please stop calling. I don't want to go see your crazy liberal dad or play CCGS with you. 

…going to flirt text with Sophie (asian). She understands. So close, but far away. 


Friday, November 4, 2016

The Alt-Right is Wrong.


There is something wrong with The Alternative Right and White Nationalism in 2016. 

I dedicated my senior project for the Alt-right, so I should at least care about where it is going in the next five years. 

I'm afraid to write this, but, The Alt-right is becoming the new cultural Marxism. 

It's hard to blieve this. It's true. 

The first right-wing metapolitic was American "Conservatism." Thats William F. Buckley Jr. and his National Review publication. Conservatism was the 1950s. It worked well for about ten years. About 40 years later, we get cultural Marxism, which would be an innate Marxist and left-wing morality. The reason why this is failing, is because CM, and political-correctness, is the system. Americans are tired of playing a game they don't want to be referees for. It is why The Alternative Right, something that is so opposite and radical (a deep breath of fresh air) will replace it. 

However, ideology is like the seasons. Oswald Spengler explained it seasons. Life is seperated in four quaters and seasons. We are learning during the spring, the summer we have fun, autamn we start society, and winter we reflect. Marxism is reaching the dead of winter. Marxism had it's bright start, it's communist society, it's run of academia, and now it's end. Marxism is grandpa on the front porch, watching cars go by. 

The Alternative Right is in the summer. It is sexually awakened looking for a lover. Soon, when it finds the lover, it will settle down. Even Preisdent Obama, at Rutgers University, said that Rutgers will not be stopped by PC mayhem. As if, every American knows CM is a noose around their neck. Obama want's something to be done. 

When The Alt-Right grows up, they will all have the responbilite to take of their children. The golden age, which is now, is a dance. 

I feel like I don't belong on the dance floor. 

Our rewards for being "Alt-Right" is acting normal. Normal? I never was "normal." An interest in Nazism is not normal. It's intellectual. 

Are early-twenty millinials that interested in nationalism? Or, is it like being a juggalo? A costume for your favoirte rock group. 


This is how the new left won. It stormed the universites until marxism became morality. The Alt-right is storming popular culture, until everyone is an apologetic white nationalist. 

The Alt-right is like a pop-up ad. Should we click on it and accept the offer? Isn't there a way to cancel the upper-right hand corner and exit out? 

Media is like this too. Some much innocent people falling into guilt. When was a choice ever authentic? 

The Alt-right plan is to prozeltise people. That's it. 

On The Stark Truth, Alex Von Goldstein argued that Pepe the frog was the Alt-right meme. Pepe is anti-establishement. Normies will try and like Pepe. But Pepe will become Donald Trump. Pepe is a vechical that corrupts normies. Everyone will be normal and racist at the same time. 

I liked the Alt-right because I had an interest in the political right. I
am fascianted with Mussolini's fascism and the movements it has spawned. Today, everyone is interested in facism because our system condemns it. Back in the 90's, no one could talk about the far-right. 

The first thing that will happen if the Alt-right wins the culture war, is that white women will be wooed over. Women are sign of victory. Men start the movement, women follow. 

I'm afraid I am going to meet a white girl my age who pretends to be on the Alt-rgiht and has intrested in Jared Taylor, Richard Spencer, and every Alt-right fad on Youtube. She is going to act pretencious and condemn those who disagree with her (the politically-correct, ironically). 

What makes this girl differnt from all the other white girls we have to face today? 

The Alt-right would woo over Third-wave Femnism into Alt-right Femnism. Nothing is accomplished. Just the culture has been won over. 

I liked the Alt-right because it sought to change the ethics of our soicety. To change ethics, according to the Alt-right now, is to replace the culture with theirs. 

I always wished for the big tit, blonde, dutch german girl serving me beer one night. You could talk to her about anything, and the only thing shes wants in the world is tto have kids and be a good mother. Perfect. 


Nope. The alt-right are a bunch of prentious college millinials who strive for "intellectual beuaty." The same mistakes that Percy Shelley, John Stuart Mill, and Marx made. A pathetic D-cup girl, that talks like a spinster library, and hates a majority of men but the men "who get her." 

I feel sorry for anyone who jerks off to that that every night before bed. This is why most white guys become gay. Not because "they were born that way," but because they hate white girls. 

I always wanted white Americans to become like the Chinese, the Japanese, and the Koreans. Not like them, no. No. I'm not talking about their anime either. If only we were an organic people that had a 90% white country, and catered politics and interest to ourselfs. Less violence. More security. high trust. 

The Alt-right dreams of this. But in return, they can't make this happen. So they dance in the post-modern shithole and agree with everything. The Alt- right wants tatoo sleeved girls and their hardcore punk. Pathetic. 

I always thought of myself as an Asian Studies student. Asian society has the best wisdom the West can learn from. We are lost in our own sin and constantly see the world through our own perverted lens. Asian studies helps clean the mind and realize their is a better world to live outside European consciouness. 

Nothing wrong with "european conmsciouness." But at this state of affairs, we need help from our brothers from the other side of the world. 

I am slowly drifting away from the alt-right because it is ironic and pretencious. Anyone can be apart of "the movement." Therefor, the real far- right movement has been dying all along. 

Slavjo Zizek was once an anti-communist. Then, he became a communist. Most say that this is a joke. That in reality, Zizek is not a communist, but is putting on joke. The only true communist is someone who pretends he is a communist. 

The Alt-right say they are "nazies" But really, there are no such thing as nazies anymroe and they would like to cahnge the conception of ta nazi by taking the name. 

But the poltical left and the right, are both dying. What is left, is remains of the utpoians systems, and both thoughts are fighting agiasnt each other. Ideology has forgoteen that it belongs to one people. 

White people made this. The left and right are the same thing. 

This is a petty conflict between what is just. At the moment, the left runs the insitution and the right is the underground. The left has failed because it has nothing to offer and the right has failed is because it mimics the left. This makes ense becuase, after all, the left made up the term the right and the right became aware of itself! 

I don't want to be apart of a pretenscious "youth" scene. Even the word "youth" as a toltarian twang to it. There is nothing natural about being ideological. "natural" as in ordinary. 

I am looking for religion and self-improvement. I don't want to be the black fish trying to eat the tail of the white fish. 

The alt-right is trying hard to become a normie party. The alt-right parties I have attended, everyone is at least scarred and damaged in a certain way. 

The Alt-right will fail once it becomes popular. 

Greg Johson wanted one thing with the Alt-right. "Everyone can do what they want, so as long white extinction is off the menu." I agree. However, "everyone can do what they want," as in, decadent culture? 

The 14/88 crowd is mad at the Alt-rgiht for good reasons. 

A healthy race is also a healthy society. Is it even possible for us, as a white race, to prompot the conservation of our race, and do all this crazy stuff we want too? 

The currents system is hurting a weaknees in us. Something is acting against us. Our own desires is working agianst us. We can't eat our cake and have
it too. 

I have lost hope in the Alt-right because it is decadent. We are have we there. We need to more innocent like than guilty. We can't act like the enemy to win him. 

white people can be themselfes without popular culture, ideology, or materalism. 

We need religion. 


The problem of innovation.


Innovation, Characther, Originality, and the red carpet. 

There is a problem with out art. I'm talking about Western art. White people art. 

Look at Yale art school. No, look at who gets into Ivy League "art" schools. 

Black lesibains who hate thier parents and can speak fluent Japanese. 

"So original. So differnt. So unique. What an intresting life!" 

Something went wrong with this. 

What happened to the artist that can draw a human body perfect? Is that a good artist? 

Nope. It has to be a human body covered in SHIT. That's more original! Give an art teacher a blank piece of paper. 

"Excellant work! You have shown, and deconstructed, the capitalist culture of the artist market. So expressive!" 

What is even art anymore? 

If I just write a bunch of words on a piece of paper, that's fucking art too. 

No use of grammer, no spell checking. They will say it's soooo raw. So authetnic. 

Are artist even smart people? 

What the fuck is L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E poetry? Embarasing. I know the guy who made that anyway. Cough, Collin's dad. Does he even know what that means? He didn't even graduate college back in 1970. 

Yet he has the audacity to go teach at PennU? 

What is even the meaning behind it all? The only thing that backs him up is all his French philosphy. Those french philosphers don't even know what they are doing anyway. 

These people are reserved for a culture that is alienating the working- class. The elite class is in fact, decadent. They can't even explain their own logic.

Give a black man Foucult. Nope. Dosen't make sense. Will not make sense. Everything is boring. 

What the hell is "intersectionalism?" Sounds like an original idea to be trademarked and copywrigted in academia. "Dr. Betty Smith, thank you for creating the intersectionality theroy! We are greatful towards your genius!" 

Genius? No. No no no no.
It's confusion. Some one is up to know good. (((I think I know who is behind it.))) 

Well, for art, art has been highjacked too. "good" art, is art that can be sold. Damien Hirst knows how to do it. Splatter skulls with rainbow. Some 70 year old hippy is bond to buy it. 

But why should Hirst be our favorite? I am surprised I am not hearing the anti-white police coming. "Look at that white, straight, cisgender, male creating art. His art is facist aned racist!" 

Maybe (((Hirst))) is a you-know-what. 

I don't know. To get into any school, black, cross-dressing, japanese speaking retards are allowed in. It's a queer fest. 

"I am queerer than you! No! I am!" 

Boring. What about talent? What about big tit girls? What about strong, jacked men? What about a man with a beard and a family of four? Can't he draw dead children too? 

It seems like art is reserved for "individual" or "virtue-by-existence" types. They don't know how to write or even put words together. But, they can see things an put them on paper like what little children do. 

That's why I am not ant "artist." No. That's not artist. Whoring away with paint on canvas? What happened to self-improvement? What about lifting weights? What about healthing eating and fucking girls? That's an art too! 

Art is feminnie. No guys are intrested in art class anymore. 

I think about the artist I like. Yukio Mishima, Issei Sagawa, Mineo Maya, Peter Sotos... Yeah, they are Japanese queers and one sadomasocistic pedophile guy... Does that manke me an "artist?" Or just a normal guy intrested in human behavior? I have to watch what I like. I too feel I got a hold of the queer bug. 

Just because you converted to judaism and declare yourself be gay dosen't make you an artist. 

Fucking pricks. 

Even the term, "white nationalism" has a queer chime to it. Everyone equally hates being white nand nationalist. 

I am trying to just being normal. I am riding the tiger of chaos and putting down with it's own napalm. Yes, that means getting infulenced by the queer bug. But there is something wrong with this. 

I like the Japanese because they are normal. Normal, ordinary, healthy people. Open about race, sex, and family. Every animal on this planet knows this. I am tired of the prude white liberal projecting the world to his advantage. 

Martin Heideggar is god. Why can't we be normal people without all this intellectual nonsense? Fuck Cultural Marxism. Fuck learning. We are not intellects. We are just passionate about nothing. We are living inauthentic lifves. 

Or somone is abusing our white people interest for no good. Everyone is nowadays... 


White women are the problem.


White women are the problem. 

Is that sexist? No. It's not. This is a criticism. 

The cliche is that straight, religious, white men are the problem. No. They got it all wrong. 

White women are the problem is because they are failing to reproduce with their signifcant other. This is a dilberate action. 

Ironically, it was thier white men that gave them the power to doubt them. 

All out of pursuit of "Intellectual beauty." I blame Percy shelley, John Stuart Mill, and Huge Heffer for these crimes. 

Dosen't that mean then white men are actually the problem? No. Not nessicary. It's a point a view. 

White women are not strong enough to see through the lies of their husbands. White women are natural cowards for power. I see it run through my own family. 

Other white families know what I am talking about. 

I think the selfishnis h really began around 1900 and is at it's climax today. So we have one hundred years of egotism and individualism. 

When we ask non-whites to be individuals, we are really asking them to be white. 

Individuals as in, individualism. As in, white peopleism. 

In no way do I mean the word "white" as in "facist." Your jewish professor would want you to think that way. 

I mean "white" as in, Pan-european people. The American people. Us. I, speaking a Pan-Eeuropean person. 

(Digression: Andrew Fraser, author of The WASP Question, wrote about how the Alt-right and the rising tide of new white nationalism, is really about self-idenitfing with being "White, Anglo-Saxon, Proteston." However, this is not a true idenity. Irish-American, German-American, French-American, are true idenities. A mish-mash idenity, like WASP, is a rootless and confused foundation. the Alt-right and White Nationalism must address and established a concrete idenity. Otherwise, the WASP issue is a new form of egalatarisim. There must be French, German, Irish as a creed). 


There is something about white idenity that makes as prone to 1. pathalogical alturism, 2. sympathy 3. emotion 4.intellectualism 5. arrogance 6. individualism, and a slew of other things poorly defined. 

These vaules all collide together and create the school of thought we know today. 

I really believe Marxism was something prone to white people. Something about it makes it so white. The idea that we can live a life based upon the "mind" and not by nature. We always wanted full control of our own lifves. 

But it is, this school, called "femnism" which is really perverted. It started out as women becoming good mothers. This is healthy, yes? Somehow, it became a religion to become Marxist. I really don't how it came to that conculsion, but what I can tell, that is a sign of cowardice. 

Feminism is not the problem, no. The problem is the people who make it happen. The drivers in the car. White women. 

Don't I sound like some kind of rightgous leftist?
White women need to know how to be good women.
This is advice. Not, "mansplaining."
(It is so easy for anyone to become a victum and the opponent, a opressor). 

The reason that the white population is falling is because white women are not reaching out enough for white men. Some are, I agree. The most normal white women will. That is a good thing. 

But is this innate charertistic of white women that fall short agiasnt the average white man. 

White women, like to believe they are princesses. They are looking for a prince charming in thier life to take them away, and pay them everything. A prince will buy them a house, a trip around the world, new clothes, and new friends to meet. 

And the n the divocre papers come. The man is left alone sad. The woman starts it all over again. 

We think we "grown up." Brain Aldiss once said that we are nothing more than kids dying each day. Adult are the dead corspe of children. To live everyday, thinking it is a progressive ladder till the top. In reality, we just learned how to speak, what not to do in society, and how to control our behvaior. We became victums of society. We should be like animals! 

White women don't like lower white men to apporach them. They find it offensive that there are "creeps" and nerds. 

How the hell am I suppose to be myself around a woman that will respect me? It's just not possible. 

The Manosphere is the answer agiasnt white women. The Manosphere is femnism for men. Strange. 

The Manosphere belives in something called "GAME." It is a philosphy and logic for dating other white women. White women, thye like X, Y and z. They prefer their man to be A, B, C. 

Dating, something which is so natural among animals, has became an intellectual "thinking about thinking" to earn sex and eventual wife. 

It is a warzone. 

Greg Johnson claims corrupts men. I agree too. White men should not follow GAME. If they really want white women, hoever, I would adovacate GAME. 

Who want's white women anyway? When white men can have all the non-white girls they want! 

Non-white girls are naturally intone with nature. They are like animals, ready to revieve a mating call by a confident man. 

White women call this behavior "sexist." Losers. 

White women are jealous of white men that date non-whites. They celebrate diversity and multicultrualism, but when they see their man dating alien... it must be "racist." 


The duty of white nationalism is to reproduce with other whites. How will this be possible, if white women are so prude agaisnt white men? 

It was the white man's fault for creating a creature that fits his liberal desires. However, the blame agaisnt ourselfs is not right. Most white men are white nationalist by heart. They just don't want to admit it. 

To earn a white girl, means to dress up in a suit and tie, work in a cublic  job, watch sports, don a dick-head haircuit, talk deeps, and look like a stupid fuck white male jsut like everyone else. 

White nationalism dosen't need the suburban football coach or the dumbass track and field jock. 

Unfortunaley, when looking for supporters, I guess these consumers would do. Well, I don't want to be assicated with other white men who are normies. 

Back to Andrew Fraser, he's right! I am Irish-French-Polish-QuterJew American! That is my idenity! 

If I had a choice, I am Irish American. The genes I have made that right. I can't argue agaisnt that. Talking abd writing is from my French side, playing board games and being lazy is the polish side, and me being a
crazy, deconstruction culture-destroying self is my jewish side. Can those things all work out? 

I tried white women, they are just fucking boring and hateful. I mean, they want sex all the time. Sex is OK. But I don't get love. I get this pushy, "I want to be a suburban mom but I want to act like a princess" behavior instead. 

Women are not the probelm. White women are. It's that simple. 



Doing Nothing


Doing absolutely nothing is productive. 

I woke up today at 9:30. I am unemployed. There is not need to get ready in 30 minutes and drive a car. I am no longer a slave to work. I could of masturbated, but I wanted the energy. 

I thought my drum machine was coming in today. I check the shipping code, nope. It's expected tommorrow. Already, today is another day wasted. 

I went downstairs and laid on the couch. I went with my mom to go see half- dead grandma at the retirment home. I went home after I saw grandma's butt. No. I am killed sexually. Is there any innocence in beauty in a corspe butt? No. 

I went upstairs I listen to some nationalist radio. Two programs in a row. One on Right On, the other about Jews. I took a nap. I went back down stairs. I walked both the dogs with mom. Mom wanted chinese food. She drove off while it rained. Dad got a special package. Two nosepickers for me and him. Good. Mom came back. No eggrolls with the meals. She went off yet again to go see dead grandma. I sat alone on the dead in the dark. I got up and walked puppy around the block. I had some thoughts to myself. Got back, now on the typewriter. 

Today was about doing absouletly nothing. 

I am thinking about swimming. The pool is tantalizing. Yet, I could be on the computer, watching Milo's new speech, or looking up dumb new products. I already stop going on Fantasy Flight Games. I am done with board game culture. It is pathetic. I will still go to Netrunner club time to time for the heck of it. Nothing much to do. 

I could of had a summer class this summer. Even an internship. Nope. Still looking for a internship. I sent another resume in today for some dating service. Oh well. I wish it was about porn. That would be intresting. 

All this. And still, I feel like I have accomplished nothing. I am drifting while every day, my skin eats away. I am asleep in this life. 

When will I ever feel alive? 

Is writing a jail sentence? Since nothing is accomplished and only time and space is recorded. 





I felt alived at the beach two days ago on Sunday. The weatherman said thunder and rain. No way. It was the opposite. Sunny and sexy. 

I made out with Alice on the beach a couple of times. I just wanted to take off her clothes and have sex on the beach. If only... 

Yeah, the beach is amazing. I wish I spent the whole time this week on Cape May. I would feel accomplished that I would be relaxing every day. With a purpose. No. It's impossible to relax in King of Prussia. Old people mainline. Boring. Nothing to do. Too much trees. No beach or excitment. No young people... 

Where are the young people? Whored away by their families? Young people are like jews. All in positions of power. Older society cries over young bodies. Feed them to Morloch. 

I am glad I found Alice. Next up, I want to find that job and the income with it. Enough to support myself and her. ...And 3 kids. 

Doing nothing is form of productivity. The monks... the monks of something, would think of nothing. They would eat oranges everyday. Nothing at all. These monks wanted to be one with death. Maybe I am becoming a monk and don't even know it. Both leroy and puppy are better monks than I. I can't tell if both of them are sad or meditatin. Humans can't possibly do something every day. 

I see sceince-fiction books I bought on my table. I could pick up one and read it. 

What's even the benefit? The text is outdated. Is it relevant? Or do I look at it like art? 

I see books of my shelf I haven't read before. It upset me a bit. All I have to do, is pick a book out, and commit 40 mins reading half the first chapther. 

Is it any good? Most people just throw away books after they are "read." Not even after chapther 1. Most people don't even finish books. People just survey text. 

I am happy when I read sciene-fiction though. I feel like I am going to get lost in the text and never come back. Pulps are that powerful. Only a few hobbiest can train themselfes to dive into a pulp. 

The text helps me understand how I write too. I can learn how other people 




write. Intresting. I might as well steal some concepts from them. 

Sitting on my bed, alone in my bedroom. The sun finally came out. Getting bored meditatin and writing. Stream of consiousness dosen't work. It goes nowhere. It goes back to being bored and doing nothing. Not everything should be written down. 

I think I have been scarred by school. One day, the thoughts would go away and I can overcome. I am going back on the battlefield again. I should prepare myself to verbally fight again. I should be conifident in myself. 

900? I should stop there. 


Strange Dream / Brown Skin

I had another stange dream last night... 

I slept over Kevin's last night. The matress was hard as a rock. He didn't stop making music until 12. I was in bed by 11:15. 

I made a bid on a Roland Tr-8 last night with 707 expansion. Lost an hour later. 

Thought about Gina last night. She has an esty page. I might want to buy a $30 art piece of her. I stalked her Facebook page. Glad she has a boyfriend. Relief. 

In my dream, Donald Trump was to debate a public high school. I was there for some reason rushing towards the hall. the room was packed with about 200 people. Turns out, Trump is rather debating "the world." Trump is in the center, while an individual of each country debates him one-on-one. There was about 13 other "countries." The "protesters," or black girls, left the room in anger that they could not protest Trump. They thought there was no reason to fight agiasnt him. Eventually, 17 other people were left in the room. All laid on the ground watching Trump. Each smoking pot from their pipes. The room was dark. I remember going up to each of the blazed students and asking "who is in it for an orgy?" I want sex. So, it's not suprise I ask from students who already feel "liberated" from pot. 

I saw this one girl smoking pot. I wanted to punch her in the face. Still mad at her. 

Dexter, the tall black kid, was the only one intrested in an "orgy." He kept falling me, repeating, "orrrrgggyyyy." Disgusting. He probabley wants to fuck me in the ass. 

Also I remember asking a favor for these two fat plumers. I could not go see Trump speak, unless I cleaned the floor. I saw both two dumpy janitors and asked them to clean the floor for a dollar. They cleaned the floor fast with a "detox" vacume. 

I rushed to the Trump audatorium. No one was there yet, but the protesters getting I ready. I then rushed back to homeroom to see if the janitors were ok. 

One of the janitors was dissapointed. He wanted his $1 for some reasom. I gave it to him. The older one said, "No need to return! Life is full of dissapointments. You get what you get." The dissapointented janitor was sobbing. The other one patting him on the back. The cleaned the floor already. No use for them to do it for free. 

Yesterday, I was in the car with the family. I was up front. Dad, about to go, asked, "where's the money?" I said, "there it is!" in my usual retarded voice. It was a dollar bill, used for toll money. "No! That's not it you dick!" Dad always says. 

Later, when the recpeit came, Dad said "It would be funny if you said 'there is the money' right now. I need it for the tip." 

This was not yesterday. It was two days ago at Calirfornia Pizza Kitchen. 

My dream ended with the orgy scene. I masturbated to Gina twice last night. The first one was looking up porn of "emo bbw" on xvideo. She looked sort of like gina. Second time was just thinking about her. 

...I know why Kevin pisses in water bottles. The toilet is broken. He is afraid to tell anyone. Or at least pay the landlord. 




Yesterday was the first. 

I left the wifi button on and the battery drained anyway. Even if this is off! Make sure I switch to wifi off when the Freewrite is not in use. 

I haave been depressed for the past two weeks. My writing habit slided a bit after the send button fiasco. I was suppose to go to the counter- currents New York meeting, it did not happen. Instead, we went to go see a dying grandma. 

I hate my grandma. 

I never had a connection with her. Her burden is a burden on the whole family. An asscioation I don't want to asscioate with. 

Mom has been traveling everyday to the hospital since last Friday. It's like she could die anyday. I hopefully want her too. I don't know what is her meaning in life anymore. 

She has depression. I know it. Mom is usually in denial or ignorant about things. 

I just came back from a lonely walk in the park at Valley Forge. I saw Washington's house. It was the place back in 1998 I would hang around with my brother and think about Super Smash Brothers. My mind was rather focus on video games at the time. I also have a good memory: Kevin playing smash bros in the basement. He just unlocked Jigglypuff by beating the game. He was playing with her at the Zelda castle stage in pratice. I had ketchup and chips, watching from the staircase. Kevin repeating the jigglypuff song. 

My mind is foggy at the moment. I'm not sure if it's sadness or short attention span. Maybe boredom. I can't see either. I can see by squiting a bit at the screen and the keys. My back is hunched over. 

Also turns out rain and thunder at Cape May, New Jersey this week. I was suppose to go on a beach daytrip with her. Mom said it might be best to call the place and ask to go instead on July 17th. I texted Alice about it. She said it's up to me. I might just have to call in and ask for a transfer. 

I'm writing for the sake that I don't have much to write about. I want to write because I want to train my brain and fingers to get every possible thought down without pain or block. Writer's block is a myth. It is the action of getting on the keyboard and writing down every possible thought. I already feel accomplished that I started a blogspot a few weeks ago. I am happy to look over my thoughts I recorded days ago and reflect on it. Reflection is the important thing to have to develope. All painted art takes practice. Writing a langague takes practice too. 

I've been looking into the mirror later often then I should. I feel ugly that I wear glasses and have wavy, round hair. I know some white girls are into that... the "emo" type and all. But their not my type anyway. I think I am not using the right shampoo. I need to comb it with some gel or cut the back side of my hair. 

Kevin records his daily events with snapchat. I wanted to write about how the phone is changing the way we record langauge. Having snapchat is even better than punching keys. It's good so that stupid people can get off the typewriter and into performance art. Punching keys will come the passion of fuddy-duddie elites. It is best to start training now. 

I am not sure if I will ever learn DVORAK or COLEMAK. The Freewrite keyboard is QWERTY by default. It's like i'm hitting keys without any
mallet hetting one another, but there are not any. Akward. This is a make- believe machine. I write at a normal and consistent speed. Every orator speaks slow anyway. Some, like Jonatahn Bowden, just make it up on the spot, improvise and act. I guess that also makes good key punching too. 

I forgot how much I like Baylee Lee. A dominican-American porn actress I liked since I was 15. I watching a clip she did for Pizza man porn. When the titfuck was about to begin, she said "I hope you don't sweat on me." 

"No I won't babe." 

"I hate when it drips on me. Why are you going slow? Go faster, you dumbass!" 

I laughed. 

She is human after all. The best prositutes are those with feelins of integrity. Perverts wants docile Japanese teens or fat blonde cheerleaders. These girls have no spirtural worth. Baylee has power. She loves what she does. She knows how to fuck. Complaining at her stud makes her powerful and real. The man will try to do his best to fuck her. Baylee has been with better guys then him. Good porn has an aesthetic. I wish I lived the exiting life of a prositute... Travel, lovers, food, fame, adventure... 

Some people claim to have an adventorous life. Some believe they live it and justify it (criminals). Some people say it is the hierachy of life. Those who have adventure and those who don't. 

Is it really "adventorous" to protest Donald Trump? Not really. It's a social narrative. 

It's adventorous like the names implies. To kill, have sex, eat food, go to exotic palces, show some conifedential power, to fight, to be proud who you are. 

Most adventorous people are ordinary. Baylee is an ordinary American woman doing what she loves as a profession. Adventure soon follows. It is the natrual compoetion of nature and the sturggle to survive. 

Brown skin women are beautiful. I get high everytime thinking about one... 





Thursday, November 3, 2016

That Day I Missed The New York Forum...


I haven't written in a while. The "send" button was broken. Broke my daily excercise. Oh well. 

Now where was I? Fantasy novel? Notes about internship? Nightime philosphy? Do I have ADHD? Am I lazy? 

I missed the white nationalist conferences in Manhatten today. Boo hoo. I had no one to go with. :(. 

And! I had to see a dead releative on the hospital death bed. Very sad. 

I have a TB-3. Got another one coming in the mail. Should make music with it. 

Also made $140. Sold The Invader Zim comics and Warhammer 40000K Conquest cards. The Dragon Quest games, 1-4, original famicom, goes next. 

Should I focus on making music? Or countinue to make write daily? Can't I do both? Or do O waste one area of energy and focus on one other subject. Hindu theroy. 

Am I Doogie Howser for writing at night? I can't even see the keys in the dark, just the bright screen (E-Ink). 

I took a melotoni 30 mins ago. Should I be asleep already? 

Max Stirner is intresting. I don't know why the Alt-left is in love with him. I like him too. 

Also I watched the first batched of Amren videos today, I love Jared Taylor. Such wisdom he has. 

One day, I will have the courage to do what I want. Maybe. 

Annndddd... Thats only 250 words! And I am suppose to do 1300 word entries a day? 

I did 600 words the other day. That was 20 mins.
I do have ADHD. Also, bored hermint material disease. Crazy. Whatever, tommorrow os another day. Another day wasted.
Fuck it, I will enjoy myself this summer! 


I had a bad dream last night. 

I was in the black car with Drake. Supposedly, he wanted to show some awesome driving tricks for me. There was a railroad track heading out in the ocean. Drake thought he could just drive on the track and do some kind of initial d trick. Burn the tracks. 

I was scared and wanted out. Guess what?

He failed and the car was soon falling into the ocean. 

He screamed at me "forgive me of my skills!" I punched and tried to kill him in me sleep before the car would soon fall into the water. 

A pain. 

That's when I woke up. I need a new matress. It felt like someone was punching me in the back as I slept. I tried to open the windows last night, put on some radio (Amren) and the fan. Still, nothing works. 

I am also trying to get back on the right sleeping program. Last night, I took a Milatonin at 11:30. In bed by 12:10. Not sure when I went out. I woke up again prob at 4:00. I did hear the birds sing. I woke today at 10:10. Ok. 

And then Drake texted me wanting to go on a park walk before noon. Uggh. I hope my dream dosen't come true. 

I went over his house. Groggy and aloof. 

I have learn not to think about the sad things, like, (((finding an internship))) and having to go back to school this fall. It's like, I'm off this summer and no one can harm me. Yet, I feel the pain creeping towards me. Is it natural? Am I just in the wrong school? 

I don't care now. Getting a job is more important than a you-know-what. And when I am done Dec 2016, hopefully done that extra (((independent study))) too, I am free to make my own path. 

I am in limbo right now. So it's tough to see a happy future when there is garantee pain in the future. 

Me and Stacy (hot asian girl, need to get closer) went on a nature walk. I liked it alot. Talked about Depeche Mode and JoJo Bizarre Adventure for a bit. Some other things. Cute Asian Girl. Mastrubate in my dreams about her.


5-29-16 F

amily having a sunday dinner by the creek... We jogged back to the car. Ouchie. 

When he was driving, I still felt like he could make the wrong turn and crash into a truck. It's my car that he is driving too. 

Do I even trust him? 

Once we got home, both dogs greeted us. Lil Puppy has an experince of "extacy" when he sees me. All dogs do it in some way. 

Drake cooked bacon and buns on the grill. Both turned into a burnt black. The taste was crunchy and not-so-good. 

The pool was quite warm today. Still bumming that I didn't get to go to The New York Forum in Manhatten. Gave $21 to show support. Wrote an excuse letter on top of that. It would of been the third time in my life I traveled to Manhatten. The last time was the first of May at the Japanese book store. Will go back again. 

The sun is really hot. It's like Summer now. ...at the end of May? I should be down in Oceancity or Wildwood for Memorial Day weekend. I made the money! Spend $370 on two synthisizers. I have $200 more plus $300 in the bank account. If I had the courage, I could drive myself down and rent myself a motel by the beach for two nights. Yes. Anything down the beach. I feel young again! I remember being 20 down at the beach like a loner. I was looking for friends. No one. Just my family. Angry. If I was free down the beach, I would chase after girls. The heat pumps my sexuality. That's why I like the sun and the beach. I am finally living. 

Well, I am not on the beach today. 

I do like swimming. It's annoyin when Kevin has to put on some Indie Aira Acid while I'm in. Not interest in music. I like the outdoor noises. 

Intresting music. Made with two Tb-3s and a Tr-8. Intresting. But, not my kind of music. 

Had to turn it down after an hour. It was relax music for Kevin. Not me. 

I am starting to realize their is something wrong with media before bed (even while swimming in the pool). In nature, I want to embrace, nature! When I heard music with it, it ruins everything. I can't go to sleep beacue I put on white nationalist radio. My mind is thinking about those theroys, less about sleep.

Will "things I like" put me to sleep faster? No. It's materialistic. 

I should stop putting on the Ipad or computer on before sleep. I need to just listen to myself and outside. 

My body goes crazy. Like it needs to ejaculate. It needs to have a voice to make it go to bed. I need mom to rock-a-bye me. 

Everyone needs a girlfriends. Some are lucky. Most get married. Most don't have access 24/7. 

Girlfriends and wifes are not teddybears. 

I have to learn to change my mind. I have to think differntly. I have to stop with the habitis that hurt me the most. 

It's so hard to control habits. I need a coach. Honestly, I don't know my own good. 

Media, like Youtube, Reading, and Sound, keeps people awake. To go to sleep with some philospher on is perverted. I need to get in tone with... sleep! 

Everyone has a camera to take pictures of everything. It supercededes the diary (another post). Sometimes, It's not right to take out the camera, for the first time to have sex. 

Ok, take the camera out when there is Bigfoot. That's important. 

Most of the time, no. Some disconnect is going on. Something to do with our flawed error. 

Alice is in the shower rigth now. I should help puppy at the moment... No, puppy under the bed with Leroy's red ball.
...Now she's malfunctioning. 

Hop in the shower naked with her? A flirt thing? She trust me enough. She saw me naked many times. I get sex when I’m good. Still. Sex this time?