NOTE!

I feel lonely, abandon, jealous, alone, ugly, an outcast, a nerd, a person not worthy of Zoe’s attention. I do not have a panic attack. Breathing in and out and thinking about good things in life. I will accomplish what I want in life. I am a good looking person that enjoys everyday. I am not alone. Everyone does things that are contradictory than what they show online. People are not evil and scary like they seem online. It is all in my head and I am experiencing fear from using Snapchat. Snapchat is an ugly notion about the world. I am looking into the windows of Zoe’s life and comparing to mine, feeling jealous and angry and cannot enjoy life with her. This reminds me of the same relationship I had with Monica, haunting me at the age of 20. For five years, this feeling has haunted me. I no longer want to be apart of that world and that world I see does not existence. I try to write about it, but it’s all in my head. Deep breathes. It’s all in my head. I have to not think about the thought. Happiness will come my way when I will be myself and do the things I would like to do. I don’t need to stay up all night, go to decadent clubs, act like a fashion stat, or live a promiscuous lifestyle. That is not my life and that life does not exist. Deep breathes. I do not need to go to a club and drink alcohol and speak loudly to people. I don’t need to answer any “booty calls” or submit to any distracting girl that may be a slut. Deep breathes. I can close my eyes and think about good things. I hear the word “STOP!” yelling over and over again when I see Zoe dressed up in a Native American Halloween costume. I am wearing nothing this Halloween. I am 25 and not like her. This is not a negative thought. I am good looking and don’t need this comparison war. I am a good person. Fear is a positive emotion that reminds you to take care of yourself.