5-12-16
I woke up at 10:45. I dreamt about driving the wrong way and some pissed off guy on a bike gave me the finger. I almost ran over a fat kid. I thought I could of gone to jail.
The place looked alot like the valley forge shopping center, wenter trader joes and the big Staples.
The dream was a mash of feelings. It's not coming back to me. Too tired. Want to masturbate again, but have nothing to do it to or have nor purpose. I just like to admire my penis.
5-11-16
Midnight journal! Right before I go to bed! Hope this works out too.
Tired, but can't fall asleep. I jear trains crashing to slow down. Can't really see anything with my glasses on. I will wtiye anyway. Got my back hunched on the chair looking over the glowing screen. The crickets are nice to hear.
Today, I wrote some thoughts and wrote / printed out a table of word count and publishing type. I'm crurious. I want to create a daily writing habit this summer until late August. MuyShakespeare class got cancelled. Will have to do it in the fall, worse of it, indpedent study. O hp[e everything is ok. My internship would then happen in the spring. Maybe all of it can happen at once. I just want to be done college.. It's not my fault that I can't find the right classes offering. Everyone is jerking off in the summer. I would rather not think of my scaring experince at college... my mind keeps lingering back to it. I don't know what it means anymore.
The key are really nice on this machine. Almost like plastic. This really helps with my ADHD.
I Can't Think. Will go to bed until I get back up. DVORAK or COLEMAK should be on this keyboard. I would like to try it. .
Gotta get a USB stick tommorrow.
...If my mind is not echoing, there is nothing to write about it. This is my skinner-box. Press it on, to satisfy my desire to record. A habit I am trying to grow.
5-12-16. Dreams.
First dream, I was at this big EDM club. Everyone was dancing in an outside stadium. A lot of energy and strange faces. This girl group came out. A beautiful ganguro Japanese girl came out (dark skin, blonde hair). She wore a skirt and a spralke sliver dress. Singing of some sort, she climb this very high diving board. She then did some jumps, and dived into the swiming pool. As she dove, her skirt was shown, you could see her naked butt. Diving in the pool, with a big splash, she stood with her back against everyone, turn her hedead, and crossed her fingers, as "peace." A signal of her invitivting sexaulity.
Soon after, so fake documentary came on. My voice was apperiating her beauty. Japanese that speaks good English. She was talking something about gamebooks. Old symbols in past, from Egytian times, had similar symbols about turning the page and life stats. Her argument showed pictures and new versions aside. It was strange. But I was more focused on her beauty than what she had to say.
Second Dream. I was back at Green Valley Academy again. Private high school. I was driving my car, and tried to park between cards. I got anxious. So I drove out, and tried it again. This trucker guy was very paient weith me. Somehow, this would be my first semester at Green Valley again. I know the whole school system is like jail (worse part, I'm paying for it). I wanted to get out of there. The first class began. It was a class about "Japanese/Asian Studies in Postmodern America." The old lady teacher showed a YouTube video. The video summed up that there is a music genre called vaporwave, American video games try to act too much like the Japanese, and Donald Trump, is the ne facist, "Big Brother," then is enterying our liufes because he was such a friendly face in the 80's. I liked the video so much, I had to start a discussion starter. I began with the sentence, "In the Post-West envioment, It began with this Gen-X celebration about love and conformity, and now, there is some confusion with Millinials about existing in society..." As I was to countinue, Lucy-Rose, Puppy, showed up. She was biting me. Wanting to obviously play in a session where I had school. At the same time, I had phlem in my throat (which I still do now as I write. A little sick?). I escorted puppy out of the room and dismissed my question. I went back into the room. Tried to restate my question, phlem in the throat again. I could help not but to chuckle. The fact is, this is a dream, and no one in the dream world, will understand what I will have to say. It's just like my experince at Rosemont.
I also remember this strange kid, that wears football armor. Red and blue. Brown hair. Senesitive. He showed the video, I think. It had some couple of shojo mangas. One I knew about and told him aloud. I'm not sure what he symbolizes. Possibly some kind of idenity politics. Some arrognat pride through Asian Studies. This is the pushy student that supposedy wants to be the center of attnetion. The teachers pet? There has been too many of them today. They never learn that no one is actully listening. They are rather confirming personal belifes and opinions through the clas they spend money on. Life becomes utterly meaningless after when they are done. No sense of belonging out in the market place. Only their mom and dad's money to spend.
Foggy dream. A little sick. Dust got on the machine fast. Have to swossh or put a blanket over it.
-Neeed a mini lamp over my keyboard at night. Still need USB stick.
-Right now before midnight, just found a blank USB stick I can use for Freewrite files. Excellant. Also, Patrick of Astrohaus just sent me a message saying they will make future update for screensavers. New authors! Maybe the three function choose-an-author for a screensaver will come true. My infulence works.
-How many words to we speak a day? -How many words do we write a day? 0-? 5-14-16
Always boggy in hte morning. Woke up at 10. Masturbated to black girlfriend porn twice in the hour. Didn't feel like writing down my dream. I was in some school again. I was in a workshop for "Ernst Hemingway and Social Justice." Later, I was in some class about race. As usual, the black kid cries agaisnt the naive white kid. I tried to say something at least PC and witty, something to do with ordinary life. No one was listening. And this was a dream! It wasn't worht writing down, but I had to.
Got up, had an apple, looked outside. Thinking of Cause & Effect - Shakespaeres Garden. Good song. Wish I had a album in that style, with electronic covers. Digital computer sound. No one is in the house at the moment.Buying tickets for me and Alice, beach day. 2. Buy $200 worth of Magic cards I made. 3. Buy a PS4 and Doom 4 (could not even play it on Friday the 13th, the day it came out!). And buy a mini-lamp at night so I can see what I'm writing when I can't see the keys. The thing is, it has to be a soft lamp ,so It won't hurt my eyes.
I am trying to start the Freewrite habit. If I am a writer, I must write everyday. I must find my comfort zone and find my own voice. Writing will also improve how I think about sentence structures and speaking. What is being done when I touch the keys?
I must ask myself the following two questions: 1. How many words do we speak a day? 2. How many words do we write a day?
I will add these estimates to my Google sheets. This is something I should of know in school. Will do it now.
How many words do we read a day? Mind Speak Listen Read Write, 5-15-16
Last night, I was thinking about the structure of langauge. My brain is speaking but I want to go to bed. I have to anaylze that behavior next time. Good monks know how to shut up and go to sleep. Think of nothing. Noth even blank.
The langangue structure goes like this: 1. Mind 2. Speak 3. Listen 4. Read 5. Write.
First, langauge is understood by the mind. The mind! Everything is in the mind, Leftist would argue. Chomsky argues for "universal grammer." We see an elephnat, and know, the elphant is dangerous to begin with. Or do we know
it is a friendly grey thing? The mind translates things through pictures. It is the mind that helps creates langauge, the self, and intelligensia. The mind is the greatest thing that mans man a super being from his animal counter-part.
It is then, do we communicate through speaking. We speak to others using our vocal choards. We translate our enviorment and abstractions through sound. Langague is differnt through out the world. Speaking as well infulences the ego. Are we speaking to ourselfs? We never even know it? We mean to speak to the other human that knows how to speak too. Like the Zulu, or any other African tribe, there is no need for a dictionary. A dictionary is an invention by Western man. All Zulu know there langauge. If you knew the word, you would remember it. Like Chinese to Japanese to Korean, all came from Chinese, and then variants were created through enviorment and proxmity. Technology plays a part in this. We speak most of our lviing life. We speak about 15,000 words a day.
We also try to listen to the other side. As we listen, we learn new words. We learn about sound. Emotion translates the signals. It is sound that is so important to our own reality. Speaking creates a sound. Some who don't write, only learn through speaking. Students are better of listining to a lecture than speaking. There is nothing good to speak because there is nothing to learn but other's speak. An older person with wisdom has the better speak. Casual speak will go nowhere. Those with wisdom and experince end up teaching. Everyone could teach. Some wisdom is better than others. Sound could infulence us through movies, music, and lectures.
More important than sound, is reading. Reading and writingare advance concepts. To read, one has to understand written langauge. And to write, one has to understand to read. Reading is an alterantive to speaking. Prior to the Guttenburg press, everything was told oral. Preist after Presit would share the history of the world with each other. No everyone could read, even write! It is hard to imagine in the past 200 years of the Western histroy, reading and writing was only available to the elite and upper- classs. It is greatful that I can even write my thoughts everyday like this. Only a group of elites knew how to read and write. Reading is important because it is langague on print. The written word started originally started as a string of nonsense from a session of speaking. Th Egyptians capture this through pictures. The Chinese were smart with their caligrapy. We would further create the sentence, the topic, the thesis, and ultimate structure. Written words sere a purpose to write down histroy, thoughts, infinitley forever. Words are ultimate. Like all relgious doctrines, words are wisdom. To read further improves speaking. We learn
new words and are mindful how we speak. Even to the fact we can as well learn a new langague. Once we have mastered reading, we can finally write. Some have know to write without reading. Old Japanese is know to create scribbles, as a way to accomodate sound. Like a soundwave. This has a foundation in speaking. Writing clarifies all langauge through a science.
It is not ultiamte, but serves a a guideline to clear langague. I am greatful to think, speak, hear, read and write. It is hard to coprehend another forigen langauge like Japanese. It takes dedication. Like creating a new "Operating System" in brain.
This branch of lanague struture can be used to understand how people learn. How we communication, and how we create art. In an age of extreme egotism, isolation, and autism, to learn this branch is important for critical thinking. It will help accomplish the goals I want to achieve.
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