7-24-16
I want my room clean and my brown table empty before school starts August the 22. I thought about clothes. I really don't need it. I am not a fashio n person. I wish I can wear a suit and tie instead. I want to show off my dedicated, and discplene beauty. That sounds right. Something like the Japanese would have a mindframe like that. I can't even the recall the gay shit other kids wore. I am not a kid anymore so fuck'em.
I hope the roll of the dice will supply me with a good enviorment this last semester. I always think like that before each semester. And the last too were really fucking shitty. I am going insane. I want these last two to be easy. I am strong. I will make my stand and fight off oppenents. Th is is what is needed in the buisness world. I think it's funny these insitutions make life as if it is this Greek philoshy game or fun social club where everyone is a gentlemen, when in fact it's quite the opposite, and barbarians and putting illusions of this sort agaisnt me and other young n ot-so-innocnet kdis. They fall for it. And they will either go in denial or deal with this nature some how. Most people try and exert thier persona lity into a game that's nothing like them. Thinking about my Netrunner gro up at Wegmans actully. A lot of buisness have to do with people psycology , manipulation, and explotiation. Buisness is advacne. It's not a goody-to o shoes game. My grandpa was right. Lie-cheat-steal-kill-rape when you ha ve the chance. I felt some guilt ain my academica career. No matter. I sh ould not feel guilt. Guilt makes me weak. Cheating is a moral thing to do in this competeive and hostile world. I am doing the right thing. Everyon e who plays the game gets fucked in the ass.
I wrote 1200. Time to tune in to Jared Taylor before bed. Get in my five hours. Hope the interent is back on Saturday night!
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7-25-16
I had such nightmare last night. It was like, everything was bad happening in it, but, I got revenge the moment. I had to work (((phone company))) and deal with the fake money currency and the idiot people that think the job is rewa rding, but rather wasting their time. And then, there is supposedly this College, which turns into a baby school out in the middle of the forest . A strange collison between joining the track and feild team, my bad all -women english classes, cucked men, and the secuirty state and small clich e of worhtless, upper class teenagers. Also some racial problems with a ho stile black that didn't like me (I think it was Nadir but he is the least likely person to confront me). Also again, my tranny friend Joshie want's to ask out that bitch Emili (who the fuck spells their last na me with a fucking "I?" I might as well be "Joi." Trying to edgy and origi nal but still connected to the background.) So this dream conculdes really nicely while I am suffering from this amount of pain.
I run out of class, the sports couch tries to stop me, I find an exit he c an't get me. I walk into my annoying girl English room. Only to yell all at them back. They ignore me of course. And then walked into my phone job fun-saturday quiz day. I said "all of you are stupid" and "you are only fighting for fake money and your lives and this meaningless. Wake up!"
I
did a dance everywhere to be my last great who-rah. And then seeing Emil i walking down the hallway, I could not ignore her, so I got my tran frie nd Joshie, (Josh, who had a crush on her in my dream. By the way, is a guy cross dressing as a girl and identifies as a lesbian. Makes no sense, I know. Degenerate) and pushed him in front of Emili to talk to her. Josh of course was too shy to confront and easily backed off. Emili looking confused and snobby dissed him and moved right along like a begger asking for money. I yelled back at her, "your a bitch!" She yelled back, "your a bitch ." I said, "I know." And there was a previous moment where my dumb philosp hy teacher was with this black kid trying to say I was some kind of insenstive racist. I told him all the reasons why you should not think like tha t and I won mostly. He had nothing to say but suck on his thumb.
As a reward for all this clamity, there was a board game convention and video-game thing on at 4 till 11. I had to leave early to go to the dentist at 5, but in my dream, I was still determined to find Neo-Geo and games
I never heard of. Then I woke up with a sore headache and still feelings ome sun on my since yesterday.
The beach was fun yesterday. The only problem was, waiting on the bus fora few hours and laying on the beach with nothing to do but napping and thi nking about things. My brain was writing without a Freewrite. If I brough over my Freewrite to the beach or something, I would of been writing for the next 4 hours and getting those thoughts, like a lasso over a wild crea ture, and putting them down on canvas. I feel a little upset now I can't think about those things since yesterday. Most of the thoughts are long gone. I dod remember a few... If I can sum it up in a paragraph.
I was napping on the beach. Getting squahsed, I had to streach my feet in the air and arms. I made a noise of a gurgaling yawn. I overheard a bit l ater, some guy and his jock friends behind them said "oh wow look at that guy strech his arms and makes noise, he's probley a perv of some sort or m asturbating, laying all by himself." They countinued on with other subject s in the same spot.
Intresting. I was alone with myself, and will more likely get bombarded w ith insults. If I was with my brother or girlfriend, there would be no in sults. It's intresting to think the insult will only come if I exist alon e in public. As if, to counter this, I have to be a strong man, like John Wayne or the Doom4 guy. Most people have to flock togetehr in order to no t suffer from single barbarian order. And if I was do something that was agianst the norm of society, I would be publicy shunned for it. This is l ike the man in New York who passes a homeless white person and says, "Get a job you bum!"
Now, this would not happen if the bum was non-white.
I had a friend named Dosha, who is both Chinese and Jamican. Last year, sh emoved from Harcum to Drexel. Why she did this. She felt that the all white girls club was ignoring her or only taking in her points that satsfied the interest of the white girls that felt intitled. Meaning that, Harcum is full of upper-class white girls that are blissfully unaware of th eir surroundings, theroy, and self-nature. They pretend they are open-m,in ded and liberal, but in action, they ignore things that are non-white or o ppose to white-womendom. Open-mindfulness and liberalism is really just a charteristic of white people. And white women are not unique creatures oppose to men, they mimck the behavior of white men as women. So when men supppose to men, they mimck the behavior of white men as women. So when men b lame women for all problems, it should be realize is that it was men who are acting out theroy and white women only mimicking as a means of surivi al and relationship. Women are open-vessels and are programmed to be mtohe rs, not warriors. Women can bleive they are warriors if men say they are so. A Japanese woman once saidthat Japanese women are "that of a coruse mix between a human and a bird in a cage." So much wisdom there. -Jared Taylor said that.
Dosha moved is because white women, like Emili and her autistic, physco-socialist friends, shunned her because they are afraid to answer to non-whit e, women like themselfs. They are afraid to be called racist. Also becuas e they dont understnad the non-white perspective and rather defuse everyth ing as being egalatarian (another white person charatheristic). All nonwhites of the world realize that white women are cartooned as Cinderrella, a Victorian princess, or some kind of mannerism English god. This is the ch aretristics of white women.
That's why the New York man is afraid to call out a non-white bum. He wil l be called a racist! He will lose his job!
