Friday, November 4, 2016

Strange Dream / Brown Skin

I had another stange dream last night... 

I slept over Kevin's last night. The matress was hard as a rock. He didn't stop making music until 12. I was in bed by 11:15. 

I made a bid on a Roland Tr-8 last night with 707 expansion. Lost an hour later. 

Thought about Gina last night. She has an esty page. I might want to buy a $30 art piece of her. I stalked her Facebook page. Glad she has a boyfriend. Relief. 

In my dream, Donald Trump was to debate a public high school. I was there for some reason rushing towards the hall. the room was packed with about 200 people. Turns out, Trump is rather debating "the world." Trump is in the center, while an individual of each country debates him one-on-one. There was about 13 other "countries." The "protesters," or black girls, left the room in anger that they could not protest Trump. They thought there was no reason to fight agiasnt him. Eventually, 17 other people were left in the room. All laid on the ground watching Trump. Each smoking pot from their pipes. The room was dark. I remember going up to each of the blazed students and asking "who is in it for an orgy?" I want sex. So, it's not suprise I ask from students who already feel "liberated" from pot. 

I saw this one girl smoking pot. I wanted to punch her in the face. Still mad at her. 

Dexter, the tall black kid, was the only one intrested in an "orgy." He kept falling me, repeating, "orrrrgggyyyy." Disgusting. He probabley wants to fuck me in the ass. 

Also I remember asking a favor for these two fat plumers. I could not go see Trump speak, unless I cleaned the floor. I saw both two dumpy janitors and asked them to clean the floor for a dollar. They cleaned the floor fast with a "detox" vacume. 

I rushed to the Trump audatorium. No one was there yet, but the protesters getting I ready. I then rushed back to homeroom to see if the janitors were ok. 

One of the janitors was dissapointed. He wanted his $1 for some reasom. I gave it to him. The older one said, "No need to return! Life is full of dissapointments. You get what you get." The dissapointented janitor was sobbing. The other one patting him on the back. The cleaned the floor already. No use for them to do it for free. 

Yesterday, I was in the car with the family. I was up front. Dad, about to go, asked, "where's the money?" I said, "there it is!" in my usual retarded voice. It was a dollar bill, used for toll money. "No! That's not it you dick!" Dad always says. 

Later, when the recpeit came, Dad said "It would be funny if you said 'there is the money' right now. I need it for the tip." 

This was not yesterday. It was two days ago at Calirfornia Pizza Kitchen. 

My dream ended with the orgy scene. I masturbated to Gina twice last night. The first one was looking up porn of "emo bbw" on xvideo. She looked sort of like gina. Second time was just thinking about her. 

...I know why Kevin pisses in water bottles. The toilet is broken. He is afraid to tell anyone. Or at least pay the landlord. 

 

 

6-2-16


Yesterday was the first. 

I left the wifi button on and the battery drained anyway. Even if this is off! Make sure I switch to wifi off when the Freewrite is not in use. 

I haave been depressed for the past two weeks. My writing habit slided a bit after the send button fiasco. I was suppose to go to the counter- currents New York meeting, it did not happen. Instead, we went to go see a dying grandma. 

I hate my grandma. 

I never had a connection with her. Her burden is a burden on the whole family. An asscioation I don't want to asscioate with. 

Mom has been traveling everyday to the hospital since last Friday. It's like she could die anyday. I hopefully want her too. I don't know what is her meaning in life anymore. 

She has depression. I know it. Mom is usually in denial or ignorant about things. 

I just came back from a lonely walk in the park at Valley Forge. I saw Washington's house. It was the place back in 1998 I would hang around with my brother and think about Super Smash Brothers. My mind was rather focus on video games at the time. I also have a good memory: Kevin playing smash bros in the basement. He just unlocked Jigglypuff by beating the game. He was playing with her at the Zelda castle stage in pratice. I had ketchup and chips, watching from the staircase. Kevin repeating the jigglypuff song. 

My mind is foggy at the moment. I'm not sure if it's sadness or short attention span. Maybe boredom. I can't see either. I can see by squiting a bit at the screen and the keys. My back is hunched over. 

Also turns out rain and thunder at Cape May, New Jersey this week. I was suppose to go on a beach daytrip with her. Mom said it might be best to call the place and ask to go instead on July 17th. I texted Alice about it. She said it's up to me. I might just have to call in and ask for a transfer. 

I'm writing for the sake that I don't have much to write about. I want to write because I want to train my brain and fingers to get every possible thought down without pain or block. Writer's block is a myth. It is the action of getting on the keyboard and writing down every possible thought. I already feel accomplished that I started a blogspot a few weeks ago. I am happy to look over my thoughts I recorded days ago and reflect on it. Reflection is the important thing to have to develope. All painted art takes practice. Writing a langague takes practice too. 

I've been looking into the mirror later often then I should. I feel ugly that I wear glasses and have wavy, round hair. I know some white girls are into that... the "emo" type and all. But their not my type anyway. I think I am not using the right shampoo. I need to comb it with some gel or cut the back side of my hair. 

Kevin records his daily events with snapchat. I wanted to write about how the phone is changing the way we record langauge. Having snapchat is even better than punching keys. It's good so that stupid people can get off the typewriter and into performance art. Punching keys will come the passion of fuddy-duddie elites. It is best to start training now. 

I am not sure if I will ever learn DVORAK or COLEMAK. The Freewrite keyboard is QWERTY by default. It's like i'm hitting keys without any
mallet hetting one another, but there are not any. Akward. This is a make- believe machine. I write at a normal and consistent speed. Every orator speaks slow anyway. Some, like Jonatahn Bowden, just make it up on the spot, improvise and act. I guess that also makes good key punching too. 

I forgot how much I like Baylee Lee. A dominican-American porn actress I liked since I was 15. I watching a clip she did for Pizza man porn. When the titfuck was about to begin, she said "I hope you don't sweat on me." 

"No I won't babe." 

"I hate when it drips on me. Why are you going slow? Go faster, you dumbass!" 

I laughed. 

She is human after all. The best prositutes are those with feelins of integrity. Perverts wants docile Japanese teens or fat blonde cheerleaders. These girls have no spirtural worth. Baylee has power. She loves what she does. She knows how to fuck. Complaining at her stud makes her powerful and real. The man will try to do his best to fuck her. Baylee has been with better guys then him. Good porn has an aesthetic. I wish I lived the exiting life of a prositute... Travel, lovers, food, fame, adventure... 

Some people claim to have an adventorous life. Some believe they live it and justify it (criminals). Some people say it is the hierachy of life. Those who have adventure and those who don't. 

Is it really "adventorous" to protest Donald Trump? Not really. It's a social narrative. 

It's adventorous like the names implies. To kill, have sex, eat food, go to exotic palces, show some conifedential power, to fight, to be proud who you are. 

Most adventorous people are ordinary. Baylee is an ordinary American woman doing what she loves as a profession. Adventure soon follows. It is the natrual compoetion of nature and the sturggle to survive. 

Brown skin women are beautiful. I get high everytime thinking about one... 

 

 

BREAKING NEWS: SPENCER FLIRTS WITH ASIAN-ARYANISM

CHECK IT OUT:
 
 
 
 
 

Thursday, November 3, 2016

That Day I Missed The New York Forum...

5-28-16 

I haven't written in a while. The "send" button was broken. Broke my daily excercise. Oh well. 

Now where was I? Fantasy novel? Notes about internship? Nightime philosphy? Do I have ADHD? Am I lazy? 

I missed the white nationalist conferences in Manhatten today. Boo hoo. I had no one to go with. :(. 

And! I had to see a dead releative on the hospital death bed. Very sad. 

I have a TB-3. Got another one coming in the mail. Should make music with it. 

Also made $140. Sold The Invader Zim comics and Warhammer 40000K Conquest cards. The Dragon Quest games, 1-4, original famicom, goes next. 

Should I focus on making music? Or countinue to make write daily? Can't I do both? Or do O waste one area of energy and focus on one other subject. Hindu theroy. 

Am I Doogie Howser for writing at night? I can't even see the keys in the dark, just the bright screen (E-Ink). 

I took a melotoni 30 mins ago. Should I be asleep already? 

Max Stirner is intresting. I don't know why the Alt-left is in love with him. I like him too. 

Also I watched the first batched of Amren videos today, I love Jared Taylor. Such wisdom he has. 

One day, I will have the courage to do what I want. Maybe. 

Annndddd... Thats only 250 words! And I am suppose to do 1300 word entries a day? 

I did 600 words the other day. That was 20 mins.
I do have ADHD. Also, bored hermint material disease. Crazy. Whatever, tommorrow os another day. Another day wasted.
Fuck it, I will enjoy myself this summer! 

5-29-16


I had a bad dream last night. 

I was in the black car with Drake. Supposedly, he wanted to show some awesome driving tricks for me. There was a railroad track heading out in the ocean. Drake thought he could just drive on the track and do some kind of initial d trick. Burn the tracks. 

I was scared and wanted out. Guess what?


He failed and the car was soon falling into the ocean. 

He screamed at me "forgive me of my skills!" I punched and tried to kill him in me sleep before the car would soon fall into the water. 

A pain. 

That's when I woke up. I need a new matress. It felt like someone was punching me in the back as I slept. I tried to open the windows last night, put on some radio (Amren) and the fan. Still, nothing works. 

I am also trying to get back on the right sleeping program. Last night, I took a Milatonin at 11:30. In bed by 12:10. Not sure when I went out. I woke up again prob at 4:00. I did hear the birds sing. I woke today at 10:10. Ok. 

And then Drake texted me wanting to go on a park walk before noon. Uggh. I hope my dream dosen't come true. 

I went over his house. Groggy and aloof. 

I have learn not to think about the sad things, like, (((finding an internship))) and having to go back to school this fall. It's like, I'm off this summer and no one can harm me. Yet, I feel the pain creeping towards me. Is it natural? Am I just in the wrong school? 

I don't care now. Getting a job is more important than a you-know-what. And when I am done Dec 2016, hopefully done that extra (((independent study))) too, I am free to make my own path. 

I am in limbo right now. So it's tough to see a happy future when there is garantee pain in the future. 

Me and Stacy (hot asian girl, need to get closer) went on a nature walk. I liked it alot. Talked about Depeche Mode and JoJo Bizarre Adventure for a bit. Some other things. Cute Asian Girl. Mastrubate in my dreams about her.

 

5-29-16 F

amily having a sunday dinner by the creek... We jogged back to the car. Ouchie. 

When he was driving, I still felt like he could make the wrong turn and crash into a truck. It's my car that he is driving too. 

Do I even trust him? 

Once we got home, both dogs greeted us. Lil Puppy has an experince of "extacy" when he sees me. All dogs do it in some way. 

Drake cooked bacon and buns on the grill. Both turned into a burnt black. The taste was crunchy and not-so-good. 

The pool was quite warm today. Still bumming that I didn't get to go to The New York Forum in Manhatten. Gave $21 to show support. Wrote an excuse letter on top of that. It would of been the third time in my life I traveled to Manhatten. The last time was the first of May at the Japanese book store. Will go back again. 

The sun is really hot. It's like Summer now. ...at the end of May? I should be down in Oceancity or Wildwood for Memorial Day weekend. I made the money! Spend $370 on two synthisizers. I have $200 more plus $300 in the bank account. If I had the courage, I could drive myself down and rent myself a motel by the beach for two nights. Yes. Anything down the beach. I feel young again! I remember being 20 down at the beach like a loner. I was looking for friends. No one. Just my family. Angry. If I was free down the beach, I would chase after girls. The heat pumps my sexuality. That's why I like the sun and the beach. I am finally living. 

Well, I am not on the beach today. 

I do like swimming. It's annoyin when Kevin has to put on some Indie Aira Acid while I'm in. Not interest in music. I like the outdoor noises. 

Intresting music. Made with two Tb-3s and a Tr-8. Intresting. But, not my kind of music. 

Had to turn it down after an hour. It was relax music for Kevin. Not me. 

I am starting to realize their is something wrong with media before bed (even while swimming in the pool). In nature, I want to embrace, nature! When I heard music with it, it ruins everything. I can't go to sleep beacue I put on white nationalist radio. My mind is thinking about those theroys, less about sleep.


Will "things I like" put me to sleep faster? No. It's materialistic. 

I should stop putting on the Ipad or computer on before sleep. I need to just listen to myself and outside. 

My body goes crazy. Like it needs to ejaculate. It needs to have a voice to make it go to bed. I need mom to rock-a-bye me. 

Everyone needs a girlfriends. Some are lucky. Most get married. Most don't have access 24/7. 

Girlfriends and wifes are not teddybears. 

I have to learn to change my mind. I have to think differntly. I have to stop with the habitis that hurt me the most. 

It's so hard to control habits. I need a coach. Honestly, I don't know my own good. 

Media, like Youtube, Reading, and Sound, keeps people awake. To go to sleep with some philospher on is perverted. I need to get in tone with... sleep! 

Everyone has a camera to take pictures of everything. It supercededes the diary (another post). Sometimes, It's not right to take out the camera, for the first time to have sex. 

Ok, take the camera out when there is Bigfoot. That's important. 

Most of the time, no. Some disconnect is going on. Something to do with our flawed error. 

Alice is in the shower rigth now. I should help puppy at the moment... No, puppy under the bed with Leroy's red ball.
...Now she's malfunctioning. 

Hop in the shower naked with her? A flirt thing? She trust me enough. She saw me naked many times. I get sex when I’m good. Still. Sex this time?
 

That Day I Missed Amren 2016

5-19-16 

I have to write now. Walking outside in the sun and speaking a loud without writing. (That's why writing is important). 

I was talking about white people in cartoons again. Watched the new epsisode of PowerPuff girls without the sound on. That's how you watch a cartoon nowadays. Sound off, look at the images. 

There is no need to spot the implicit Whiteness in PPG. It's already obvious. PPG is the progenitor of all low-brow cartoons that would come after. 

Cartoons that white people do watch: -Steven Univerese
-Star Vs. The Forces of Evil
-The Loud Family (The Proud family a bunch of fucking niggers)

-Phenius and Ferb -Adventure Time 

I can't think much more, but these cartoons are implicitly white. Unlike PPG which was emplicitcity white. Cartoons have shift from the universal to the more obvious. Whites that make these cartoons refuse to take the wisdom that their own cartoons was made for their own people. That could cost them their job, thier characther, and their life. I would like to write something of each of these cartoons and write a book or something about it. 

I think afterwards, I checked my phone online for college phone number. Need a refund. Has some kind of protestor with "equality" written on it. Turns out to be a Japanese. A "black nationalist" japanese. How in the world, can one be for "equality" and fight for nationalism? White people are deluded. Kochiyama is doing what she naturally does. Ethnonationalism for everybody. 

Losing my mind right now. Just called the college office now. On hold. I can hold for 10 mins and punch with one finger. My mind wandering to one subject to another. 

Well, I am kind of hungry this morning. I want an apple but there isn't any. Also want to know if I can send TXT. file to computer instead of PDF. I don't want to copy and paste the file into my blog. Other ways to get around. 

 

 

I might need a loan from mom this morning. I need to buy the beach tickets for me and Alice. Always worried tickets will run out. 

 

5-21-16

 

Always have been having bad dreams this week. Last night waas the first I dreamt of nothing. Every dream has been about school trama or some kind of fear speaking my mind. The place and situtation I am in is unfair. 

 

Now the aniexty of finding an "internship" is setting in. Successful internships and jobs happen with "connections" and "networking." Like a mom or dad that hands down a job to their undeserving child. Things are exactly like the fedualist era. America is a place about whoring and less about destiny. We have failed the white ethno-state. 

 

Collin did call me yesterday. Wanted to hang-out, probaley pick up the new True Steel pack. Yes, I am his chofer. He is 24 too and dosen't know how to drive a car. I mean, he is autistic. He fails to pick up social cues.

 

...And Nancy is a dick-girl. Great. I hugged and kissed her. Must mean I am a closet gay. 

 

Found out about Patalliro fan clubs over Tumblr. I can't even find that through a Google search (almost like the darkweb to find Patalliro news). Jokingly, I will start a blog-spot called "Mineo Maya Fanclub." Not really, but I have proud enough to consider myself a Maya afficando. I wish there was translations or I knew Japanese.

 

Drake is coming over in about 10 minutes. I am bringing my sntheisizer over and play along over at Quigly's house. It's better than babysitting Collin. 

 

Haven't wrote in two dayas. I guess that's natural, considering Saturday and Sundays are usual off days in a working week. However, I don't want to lose the habit of writing. I must always write! I swear! All the promsied hobbies in the past, where I look towards daily disciplene, all but fail in the end. 

 

This time, I want to accomplish something. Even if it means writing about nonsense. Writing about anything is important. I jsut have to learn how to type faster, think faster, and catch thoughts were they come through the time. I am a reporter trying to tackle the life that I live. It's that simple. Most people can't do it. It's a shame. 

 

My goal is to write 1,300 words a day without stop, until late August, where I have to go back to you-know-where. At least it's my last semester, hopefully (I'm begging). As I type grease will get on each key. Typical? Yes. How do writers deal with that? A clean cloth? A wiper? 

 

Writing is obsolete. Computers and robots can do it for you. Also, there is audio recording devices. They say it's better to explain things in logical words than to speak aloud. I believe that. Where would math and science be? But for writing? No. It's becoming more obsolete per day. The Freewrite will luckily be about recording the mind with buttons. That's the difference. My fingers will get sore. ...maybe learn DVORAK or COLEMAK?

 

There he is. Honking outside.

 

***

 

Back. 9:20PM. Did some things.

 

I filmed two films at Quigly's house. One I filmed this morning dove outside, the other, the vest-wearing yorkie. Quigly's drum machine music is hypnotic. His friend went snoring asleep on the couch. I too was tired, 4:35-6:10. I just read. Read something about National Review on The Right Stuff.biz. I also found Uncuck The Right's video for Amren (Amren was today). Funny! Shocking. The Alternative Right in once video! Every single writer I have read and admire in my life. Amazing. As if, I am not the only one that stumbled across these writers. I was one of many. Had to watch Jared blow sax in the bathroom. Getting away from the machine drum sounds. 

 

We departed at 6:20. Quigly unfortunatley never press the record button on the mixer. I did, however, for the trapt song. Kevin saw this. We didn't know if it was right to record over any the stuff that was on there. Oh well. Quigly said it was ok too. He his 2 mintues of a 4 hour jam session. He can publish the song on his own Soundcloud. 

 

Drake drove me to the mall. The original idea was Burger King. No. We headed for the Mexican restaurant in the court. No, too expensive. There was also Ruby's Diner. No to that, too crowded. I decided on Five Guys at the food court. We went in.

 

Tons of black people. Not going to lie. There goes the neighborhood...

 

Five Guys burgers were 7.19 per piece. Nope. We wanted to walk to the upstairs foodcourt. We found some doo-wop style restrutn. "Stardust" I think it was. Cheeseburger fry and drink combo only $3.99. Attractive Chinese register. We both got our burgers and ate. Said some sily jokes about Dragon Quest 5 and "Stick Drama." 

 

Headed out and too Fishbone Grill where the car is. Kevin wanted Ice Cream. Ok. I wanted Blue Bear smash. Blue ice cream with gummy bears in it. Good. Kevin had strawberry something. $13.50. 

 

We couldn't find the car outside. We got lost in the rain for a bit. Rain on my ice cream, no! Got in car. Ate ice cream and joked about being sick. Making funny wining noises. Drove home.

 

I had a brain storm at Quigly's house. Unfortunately, no Freewrite. I did write some notes on the memo app on my phone. It was losing power by then. 5%. 

 

I just took a Milatonin before bed. Will go to sleep soon. My mood was must more jilty at 4:35. Now, I am writing out of duty. Kind of strange. At least I'm writing, yes? 

 

Boring. Ughh...

 

It's for my own good. 

 

If I was possionate right now, expect me to write 1,400 words about philosphy or problems. That I can do. I just can't do that on demand. It's really about writing how I feel or my life. I can do that. Once again, for my own good. 

 

...need office lamp for typewriter at night. Ceiling light is busted. Will do that tomorrow.

 

Fuck, today was Amren. Another regret I wish I could have overcame. How the heck am I suppose to get to Tennessee? 

FUNNY THING ABOUT ZULA NATION 303

I also remember this strange kid, that wears football armor. Red and blue. Brown hair. Sensitive. He showed the video, I think. It had some couple of shojo mangas. One I knew about and told him aloud. I'm not sure what he symbolizes. Possibly some kind of identity politics. Some arrogant pride through Asian Studies. This is the pushy student that supposedly wants to be the center of attention. The teachers pet? There has been too many of them today. They never learn that no one is actually listening. They are rather confirming personal beliefs and opinions through the class they spend money on. Life becomes utterly meaningless after when they are done. No sense of belonging out in the market place. Only their mom and dad's money to spend. 

 

Foggy dream. A little sick. Dust got on the machine fast. Have to swoosh or put a blanket over it.  

 

-Need a mini lamp over my keyboard at night. Still need USB stick.

 

-Right now before midnight, just found a blank USB stick I can use for Freewrite files. Excellent. Also, Patrick of Astrohaus just sent me a message saying they will make future update for screensavers. New authors! Maybe the three function choose-an-author for a screensaver will come true. My infulence works. 

 

-How many words to we speak a day?

-How many words do we write a day? 0-?

 

5-14-16

 

Always boggy in the morning. Woke up at 10. Masturbated to black girlfriend porn twice in the hour. Didn't feel like writing down my dream. I was in some school again. I was in a workshop for "Ernst Hemingway and Social Justice." Later, I was in some class about race. As usual, the black kid cries agaisnt the naive white kid. I tried to say something at least PC and witty, something to do with ordinary life. No one was listening. And this was a dream! It wasn't worht writing down, but I had to.

 

Got up, had an apple, looked outside. Thinking of Cause & Effect - Shakespaeres Garden. Good song. Wish I had a album in that style, with electronic covers. Digital computer sound. No one is in the house at the moment. Was going to try and call Montco for refund. I want $500 in my account so I can but tickets for me and Alice, beach day. 2. Buy $200 worth of Magic cards I made. 3. Buy a PS4 and Doom 4 (could not even play it on Friday the 13th, the day it came out!). And buy a mini-lamp at night so I can see what I'm writing when I can't see the keys. The thing is, it has to be a soft lamp ,so It won't hurt my eyes. 

 

I am trying to start the Freewrite habit. If I am a writer, I must write everyday. I must find my comfort zone and find my own voice. Writing will also improve how I think about sentence structures and speaking. What is being done when I touch the keys? 

 

I must ask myself the following two questions:

1. How many words do we speak a day?

2. How many words do we write a day?

 

I will add these estimates to my Google sheets. This is something I should of know in school. Will do it now.

 

How many words do we read a day?

 

Mind Speak Listen Read Write,

 

5-15-16

 

Last night, I was thinking about the structure of langauge. My brain is speaking but I want to go to bed. I have to anaylze that behavior next time. Good monks know how to shut up and go to sleep. Think of nothing. Noth even blank. 

 

The langangue structure goes like this: 1. Mind 2. Speak 3. Listen 4. Read 5. Write.

 

First, langauge is understood by the mind. The mind! Everything is in the mind, Leftist would argue. Chomsky argues for "universal grammer." We see an elephnat, and know, the elphant is dangerous to begin with. Or do we know it is a friendly grey thing? The mind translates things through pictures. It is the mind that helps creates langauge, the self, and intelligensia. The mind is the greatest thing that mans man a super being from his animal counter-part. 

 

It is then, do we communicate through speaking. We speak to others using our vocal choards. We translate our enviorment and abstractions through sound. Langague is differnt through out the world. Speaking as well infulences the ego. Are we speaking to ourselfs? We never even know it? We mean to speak to the other human that knows how to speak too. Like the Zulu, or any other African tribe, there is no need for a dictionary. A dictionary is an invention by Western man. All Zulu know there langauge. If you knew the word, you would remember it. Like Chinese to Japanese to Korean, all came from Chinese, and then variants were created through enviorment and proxmity. Technology plays a part in this. We speak most of our lviing life. We speak about 15,000 words a day. 

 

We also try to listen to the other side. As we listen, we learn new words. We learn about sound. Emotion translates the signals. It is sound that is so important to our own reality. Speaking creates a sound. Some who don't write, only learn through speaking. Students are better of listining to a lecture than speaking. There is nothing good to speak because there is nothing to learn but other's speak. An older person with wisdom has the better speak. Casual speak will go nowhere. Those with wisdom and experince end up teaching. Everyone could teach. Some wisdom is better than others. Sound could infulence us through movies, music, and lectures. 

 

More important than sound, is reading. Reading and writingare advance concepts. To read, one has to understand written langauge. And to write, one has to understand to read. Reading is an alterantive to speaking. Prior to the Guttenburg press, everything was told oral. Preist after Presit would share the history of the world with each other. No everyone could read, even write! It is hard to imagine in the past 200 years of the Western histroy, reading and writing was only available to the elite and upper-classs. It is greatful that I can even write my thoughts everyday like this. Only a group of elites knew how to read and write. Reading is important because it is langague on print. The written word started originally started as a string of nonsense from a session of speaking. Th Egyptians capture this through pictures. The Chinese were smart with their caligrapy. We would further create the sentence, the topic, the thesis, and ultimate structure. Written words sere a purpose to write down histroy, thoughts, infinitley forever. Words are ultimate. Like all relgious doctrines, words are wisdom. To read further improves speaking. We learn new words and are mindful how we speak. Even to the fact we can as well learn a new langague. Once we have mastered reading, we can finally write. Some have know to write without reading. Old Japanese is know to create scribbles, as a way to accomodate sound. Like a soundwave. This has a foundation in speaking. Writing clarifies all langauge through a science. It is not ultiamte, but serves a a guideline to clear langague. I am greatful to think, speak, hear, read and write. It is hard to coprehend another forigen langauge like Japanese. It takes dedication. Like creating a new "Operating System" in brain.

 

This branch of lanague struture can be used to understand how people learn. How we communication, and how we create art. In an age of extreme egotism, isolation, and autism, to learn this branch is important for critical thinking. It will help accomplish the goals I want to achieve. 

 

5-16-16

 

I had a strange dream last night, in a board game store. It was a strange game store. Things that were discountinued were on sale. Some Lincoln Logs here, some colorful candy orbs there... But then I saw "Killer Bunnies Fluxx edition, Purple Booster #3." Along with "Killer Bunnies Fluxx Limozeen expansion" (The limo moves everywhere and kills things on a 16x16 square) "Killer Bunnies Fluxx Orange exansion #5" and "Killer Bunnies Fluxx Green expansion #6." The Limozeen expansion was $34.95. Both Green and Purple expansions were $14.95. I didn't have the money in the store, obviously. If I did buy them, I would be in dept with my credit card. If I would buy them, I would sell them on ebay for twice as much in the store. I think the dream symbolizes laster summer, in 2015, when I found all the boosters for Killer Bunnies and resold them for four times the amount online. This was late May. I remember around June, in Wildwood, I bought Killer Bunnies Conquest on my phone too. It was for $50. I used the Killer Bunnies money to buy it. It was a nice three days in Wildwood. June 14-17. 

 

----

 

5-18-16

 

Buy list:

-Blue Dragon guide

-Mineo Maya comics on Japanese New York bookstore website

-Tickets to go on the beach with Alice.

-Old School Magic Proxie cards

-PS4 with Doom 4, Dragon Quest Heroes, KOF 14.

 

...maybe borrow money from Mom if can't get money in time. 

 

(((repeat again)))

5-12-16

 

I woke up at 10:45. I dreamt about driving the wrong way and some pissed off guy on a bike gave me the finger. I almost ran over a fat kid. I thought I could of gone to jail. 

 

The place looked a lot like the valley forge shopping center, trader joes and the big Staples. 

 

The dream was a mash of feelings. It's not coming back to me. Too tired. Want to masturbate again, but have nothing to do it to or have nor purpose. I just like to admire my penis. 

 

5-11-16

 

Midnight journal! Right before I go to bed! Hope this works out too. 

 

Tired, but can't fall asleep. I hear trains crashing to slow down. Can't really see anything with my glasses on. I will wriye anyway. Got my back hunched on the chair looking over the glowing screen. The crickets are nice to hear. 

 

Today, I wrote some thoughts and wrote / printed out a table of word count and publishing type. I'm curious. I want to create a daily writing habit this summer until late August. Mu Shakespeare class got cancelled. Will have to do it in the fall, worse of it, independent study. O hp[e everything is ok. My internship would then happen in the spring. Maybe all of it can happen at once. I just want to be done college. It's not my fault that I can't find the right classes offering. Everyone is jerking off in the summer. I would rather not think of my scaring experience at COLLEGEut my mind keeps lingering back to it. I don't know what it means anymore. 

 

The key are really nice on this machine. Almost like plastic. This really helps with my ADHD. 

 

I Can't Think. Will go to bed until I get back up. DVORAK or COLEMAK should be on this keyboard. I would like to try it. .

 

Gotta get a USB stick tomorrow. 

 

...If my mind is not echoing, there is nothing to write about it. This is my skinner-box. Press it on, to satisfy my desire to record. A habit I am trying to grow. 

 

5-12-16.

 

Dreams.

 

First dream, I was at this big EDM club. Everyone was dancing in an outside stadium. A lot of energy and strange faces. This girl group came out. A beautiful ganguro Japanese girl came out (dark skin, blonde hair). She wore a skirt and a sparkle sliver dress. Singing of some sort, she climb this very high diving board. She then did some jumps, and dived into the swimming pool. As she dove, her skirt was shown, you could see her naked butt. Diving in the pool, with a big splash, she stood with her back against everyone, turn her head, and crossed her fingers, as "peace." A signal of her inviting sexuality.

 

Soon after, so fake documentary came on. My voice was appreciating her beauty. Japanese that speaks good English. She was talking something about gamebooks. Old symbols in past, from Egyptian times, had similar symbols about turning the page and life stats. Her argument showed pictures and new versions aside. It was strange. But I was more focused on her beauty than what she had to say.

 

Dumb Asian Girl I Still Get Blowjobs From

5-17-16


So I had a rough day today. 

I woke up in the morning, put on a blue collar shirt, went to mom to Bob Evans for the first time in forever. I ordered eggs, sauage, potatoes, pancakes, the usual from the picture. 

Mom went on about her own experinces with uncle john and grandma at a place called Howard Johnsons. Hojos? I looked it up on my phone. I read the wikipedia page alout to mom as we waited for our order. The palce started to go down hill when a black panther sniped three police officers and when
a singer was raped at a Howard Johnsons. Too bad. They tried to down sized, but consumers critized their new direction. Eventually, there are only two in existence. Mom loved the story. I found it intresting too, that the first "product placement" took place in Space Odessey 2001. Hojos would be in the far future. Supply the space astronauts. 

After that, mom had to stop at Lowes for something mundane. I had to text Sarah (asian) last night. I knew she was at Wegmans with her lowlife boyfriend. I text, "your clone was hear" She texted back "NO WAY." Soon in turned into a three hour conversation. She was watching My Little Pony and WWE on Monday night. She claims to be a brony, though she never watches the show or dresses up. She still hangs with her bumfuck friends and plays gay board games. ...And I wasn't invited? She teachers Mon-Tues, doing i-dont-know- what. Friday she has the Therapist, of course. She can't go to board game night because of work, or maybe she is jsut retarded. She never did make me the Cthlulu stick monster she promised. She did, however, make a Giraffe for "Mike's" wedding. Bumfuck, who cares. Cute animal though. She has no spirit animal. Her life is a guess. 

I remember just reading about Akira Toriyama's life on Wikipedia. I didn't know Blue Dragon was for Xbox 360. I beated Dragon Quest 1-6 starting this Janauary, I have to experince Toriyamas work everywhere. 

Then I easeddrop. Josh was stuck in the middle of the highway in Downingtown. I had to go pick him up with mom. Dad was mad. I ran like a
dog around in circles. I rushed in the car and left my mom behind. I didn't want my phone. Too lazy to get it and go get it. It was going to be a
boring ride in the car. I get to do exactly nothing but watch. Josh called my phone a couple of times. He said "why didn't you pick up your phone? use the GPS on your phone!" He translates this as if I was abandoning him. He is 

 

We found Josh next to some red building. Mom greeted him. Josh puted all his stuff in the van. I gave him the front seat. He sounded sad, a low voice. Sniffles from time to time. This is how he cries. Mom called dad a fat fuck after he called while mom was trying to turn right to get Josh.
It was funny.

We drove home together and left Josh's car there. It was a grey, boring, bumfuck kind of rain. We were silent. Josh wanted to drive the car so he can get his mind off of his car. He thought everything was his fault. Soon, Josh started to cheer up once we got to King of Prussia. I said something about sneakerheads and he laughed. Gavin Mcinnes says, "Why protest and go on strike if you make $70,000 a year?" Funny. Stupid Virizon people on strike. There tired to be like princes. They want to step up as kings. Oh well. 

Mom made the chewy steak Josh hates. I love mom's chewy steak. We got home. Josh got his package from Poland. It was a low, DPI $60 large sweater of Figi Vaporwave ciggerettes. Josh said "stupid fucking pollocks get out of my country! one star review!" I might wear it later this year if it dosen't want it. Fuck school. I wore his Hentai tshirt, I can wear that. 

The steak was mad. Josh was tardy. I got this feeling I was target as the worthless person. I do abosulety nothing and everything is blamed on me. What could I have done to help? It's his fault things are not in my infulence. I left early at 5 to "go see Alice.” (another Asian girl)

Rainy. Bad traffic like always. Libertarian friend Mike Karnik calls me. Wants to hang at bar in Ambler. Told him going to see gf. He understands. Texted while driving. 

Got to see Alice early. I ate some of her General Tsos chicken she just got. Awesome. We hugged, kissed, and did sex stuff. Some autsitc girl talked about 93/94 format. I was happy someone cared about it. I really want to print out my proxie cards soon from Artscow. 

Me and Alice did moe sex stuff in game room. We played a game of Splendor. After that game, two more kids entered the room. They wanted to join in for a 4 player game. Alice was stubborn and said lets play this game of Splendor first. Even though, could of stopped it and let them in. We played an akward game as they watched. I was really quick about it. I won, Alice lost. The two kids joined in. A good 4 player game. Will Smith: 16. Alice: 16, Me: 14. Will Smith won by less lands. Alice had to go after. She was looking for her cucumber lunch pack thing. I told her, by impulse, I threw it away. She was shocked and offended. We went to the trash and looked for the thing right away. I got my hands dirty. Not in there. She looked in the car. Not in there. Went back in game room. Some idiot autistic kid put her lunch thing next to the games. Great. She got it and I walked her outside to her car. We did more sex stuff. She looked up my nipple. Claims I have girl boobs. Also claims my nose is big and therefor I must have a big penis. Happy. Kissed her goodbye and went back in gameroom. Saw the two nerd kids again. We played Love Letter a couple of times, talked about Cosmic Encounter. Then we switched to an odd game of Codewords. "Wrestler 1" I picked "suit." I was correct. But he was looking for the "undertaker" which was also correct. I abandon the scene once it got confusing. I drove home. 

Home feels kind of ok. I just feel weird today. Had a bad dream last night the Akakei girls moved into the house and I was mad. Upset. Noone would kick them out. They are in a clique and I am the nerd. So selfish. It's not real. But I did cry early morning. It could be real. Other than that, the rain. Not a wonderful rain. A gay fucking rain. Dirty and stupid. 

I can't stand them, the Akakei girls. I want to stop typing now. My mind is lingering towards them. She thinks she is so cool that she pretends to think exactly like me. 

White girls. Stupid idiots. Snobby retards. See if I care. She needs to act more Nipon. And I know them for life. Pretends to be higher in intellect. She dosen't even know there are 1000 other bumfuck brats like her. What makes her so differnt? Escapist. Retard. Meaningless. 

Hear I go again. 

…Sarah better be asking to go out again. I need to bust on her again.